When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. Jonathan Swift – THOUGHTS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS MORAL AND DIVERTING |
You know, folks, I’m a pretty mellow guy. When OFF the clock, I’m so laidback that one fellow I worked with referred to me as, Cool Breeze. I like to sit back, relax, have a cocktail, and chill. Live-and-let-live, you know? Like Johnny Mercer advised, I accentuate the positive, and eliminate the negative.
Some people resent that.
They think I should be full of angst and going bonkers because of (pick one or more): plastic bags and straws, the NFL, Trump, Republicans, Serena Williams’ goofy tennis outfits, midterm elections, Bill Clinton unabashedly ogling Arianna Grande’s derriere at Aretha Franklin’s funeral, the proclivity of California to elect really obnoxious women, nuking the gay whales, halitosis, and the heartbreak of psoriasis. Sorry. Not my style.
Anxiety leads to stress, which likely shortens one’s life; for sure make it less than optimum. The only subjects that (somewhat) intrude on my serenity, in the form of irritation, is lack of fairness by sycophants and ideologues of sporting teams and political parties. They are the ones with their collective heads up their fannies much like the fans of South American and European football (soccer) teams. Remember how we use to laugh at them for being so asinine?
A few years back in the work-a-day world, I recall my company having to shut down and board up our facility in Mexico City because of the riots that followed elections. Sounds like November 2016 in the USA, doesn’t it? (Here’s a pronouncement from the summer of 2016, which was expounded fist-pound-on-the-desk loudly by media and DNC: Trump MUST accept the results of the election!) The dripping irony was that rioters trashed Bank of America and Starbucks buildings; businesses that were two of the losing candidate’s largest contributors. That kind of destructive, poor-loser behavior is a gross waste of one’s life. But then again, as Swift suggested, there are a lot of dunces out there.
This morning someone reminded me that NBA basketballer LeBron James supports Nike’s deal with Colin Kaepernick. So why bug me? I don’t watch phony, roller derby type sports like the NBA, and gave up on the NFL several years ago. Plus, I have no control over what Nike does or doesn’t do. Let the free market determine the outcome. (BTW, I just read that the government cancelled an $80 million Nike contract.) I don’t wear Nike shoes anyway—the toe box is too cramped and causes me to lose nails from my great toes. It’s happened three times. Guess I’m a slow learner. Anyway, spending time commiserating about Nike’s marketing strategy is a waste of my life. I’d rather do something constructive like—I don’t know—maybe applaud haircuts, count out-of-state license plates and/or go to the corner filling station and stick the air hose down my pants. (Ahhh, the pause that refreshes.)
Some people in my community think I should play more pickleball, which is a great game for active seniors since an 800 square feet court is a lot easier to navigate than a 2,800 square feet tennis court. Another valid selling point: Pickleball requires a lot less skill, so one can come up-to-form quickly. For me, I still like the larger court, and the faster ball. Maybe as I age I’ll change my mind, but not yet. Besides, I don’t like games named after vegetables. I had the same problem when I played squash. I mean, what’s next? A game played on a football field with baseball bats called zucchini ball? Oh, wait. They already have that. It’s called Irish hurling. Hope they don’t figure out American football is terribly misnamed, and change it to watermelon…
I also wonder about some of the PC-inspired events accepted in everyday life. I mean, I don’t care one way or another—just wonder about the thinking that occurred. For instance, one of the tennis stadiums in New York City is named after legendary jazz musician, Louis Armstrong. As far as I know, the man was from New Orleans, didn’t play tennis, played trumpet, was raised by a Jewish family, and spoke perfect Yiddish. Sooo, how come??? On the other hand, an adjoining stadium is aptly named after Arthur Ashe, a quiet gentleman who was a terrific tennis player, and at 49, died way too young. Although Ashe only won three grand slams versus McEnroe (7), Connors and Agassi (8), and Sampras (14); he was the first African-American male to be rated number one, and win Wimbledon and the US Open. Tragically, he died from HIV contacted from a blood transfusion during heart bypass surgery.
Another issue a bit bewildering to me comes from the prison holding Chris Watts, the guy who killed his wife and two children. Turns out they’re afraid he might off himself, so they’ve got him on suicide watch to prevent him from succeeding. I only have one question. Why?
A staunch conservative in my neighborhood insisted I be concerned about the miscarriage of justice involving uber-liberal and former Obama advisor, Al Sharpton. The conversation went like this:
“Guy owes $4.5 million in back taxes, and Obama forgave him the debt! You or I would go to prison!” Veins popped out in his neck.
“Who said?” I stifled a yawn. I mean, what can me being bugged and angry do about it?
“Even that liberal rag, New York Times, reported it in 2014.” His face was red. “Why, it makes my blood boil.”
I sensed that by bringing up the NYT, the guy was trying to suck me into a larger circular discussion. I remained calm and said, “Look, I’ll concede that Sharpton is a clown, and an unabashed race hustler, but whatever he owes I’m sure Trump and the IRS are handling it. It has zero effect on my life.”
Guy tells me to just keep my head in the sand. Good idea. I’ll do just that.
Then there are those (depending on which party is bloviating) who insist Clinton, Bush, Obama, and Trump are serial liars; but their side of the aisle is squeaky clean. Wise up, folks. They’re self-serving politicians. Politicians are natural liars. All of ‘em. Why get worked up about it? Many of the elected blatherskites sent to DC aren’t very bright either. Recall the congressman who said Guam would tip over if we added more troops to the military base; and another who declared Jews are controlling the weather to screw up the economy. Geez, welcome to the Big Top. (Cue calliope music.) But if it makes you happy (I doubt it), by all means continue your name-calling rhetoric. Just don’t expect me to pay attention and/or give a damn.
To conclude this rambling dissertation, why does anyone care about the Kardashians, Ellen DeGeneres, Michael Moore, Alfred E. Newman, and what any of them think and say? Well, I’ll make an exception for Alfred E. Newman who once penned this pearl of wisdom, “There are more important things than money, but they won’t go out with you unless you have some.” How about those cheesy pageants like Miss America, which to me signify absolutely nothing? Bottom line: We have a limited time on this rocky orb. Like the song says, “Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.”
By Gene Myers, a mellow fellow who is serene, relaxed and ready for love (wink).
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