Amazines Free Article Archive - Saturday, December 07, 2019
Read about the most recent changes and happenings at
Log into your account or register as a new author. Start submitting your articles right now!
Search our database for articles.
Subscribe to receive articles emailed straight to your email account. You may choose multiple categories.
View our newest articles submitted by our authors.
View our most top rated articles rated by our visitors.
* Please note that this is NOT the ARTICLE manager
Add a new EZINE, or manage your EZINE submission.
Add fresh, free web content to your site such as newest articles, web tools, and quotes with a single piece of code!
Home What's New? Submit/Manage Articles Latest Posts Top Rated Article Search
Subscriptions Manage Ezines
 Article Archive
 Advertising (133321)
 Advice (160961)
 Affiliate Programs (34735)
 Art and Culture (73689)
 Automotive (145679)
 Blogs (75057)
 Boating (9840)
 Books (17218)
 Buddhism (4125)
 Business (1328591)
 Business News (426310)
 Business Opportunities (366263)
 Camping (10962)
 Career (72734)
 Christianity (15844)
 Collecting (11637)
 Communication (115054)
 Computers (241957)
 Construction (38997)
 Consumer (49681)
 Cooking (17061)
 Copywriting (6567)
 Crafts (18204)
 Cuisine (7538)
 Current Affairs (20388)
 Dating (45779)
 EBooks (19687)
 E-Commerce (48204)
 Education (185252)
 Electronics (83498)
 Email (6392)
 Entertainment (159832)
 Environment (28937)
 Ezine (3039)
 Ezine Publishing (5446)
 Ezine Sites (1550)
 Family & Parenting (110900)
 Fashion & Cosmetics (196390)
 Female Entrepreneurs (11842)
 Feng Shui (130)
 Finance & Investment (310272)
 Fitness (106133)
 Food & Beverages (62868)
 Free Web Resources (7938)
 Gambling (30225)
 Gardening (25108)
 Government (10513)
 Health (629546)
 Hinduism (2205)
 Hobbies (44043)
 Home Business (91557)
 Home Improvement (251358)
 Home Repair (46134)
 Humor (4823)
 Import - Export (5453)
 Insurance (45130)
 Interior Design (29550)
 International Property (3485)
 Internet (190988)
 Internet Marketing (146336)
 Investment (22824)
 Islam (1167)
 Judaism (1356)
 Law (80487)
 Link Popularity (4591)
 Manufacturing (20842)
 Marketing (98775)
 MLM (14136)
 Motivation (18213)
 Music (27005)
 New to the Internet (9479)
 Non-Profit Organizations (4048)
 Online Shopping (129616)
 Organizing (7803)
 Party Ideas (11856)
 Pets (38079)
 Poetry (2234)
 Press Release (12674)
 Public Speaking (5618)
 Publishing (7523)
 Quotes (2407)
 Real Estate (126625)
 Recreation & Leisure (95278)
 Relationships (87562)
 Research (16158)
 Sales (80322)
 Science & Technology (110220)
 Search Engines (23453)
 Self Improvement (153101)
 Seniors (6232)
 Sexuality (35942)
 Small Business (49285)
 Software (82995)
 Spiritual (23465)
 Sports (116081)
 Tax (7658)
 Telecommuting (34067)
 Travel & Tourism (307413)
 UK Property Investment (3121)
 Video Games (13428)
 Web Traffic (11727)
 Website Design (56827)
 Website Promotion (36569)
 World News (1000+)
 Writing (35770)
Author Spotlight

Former English Teacher; Musician (20+ years); Freelance Writer ...more

I have been involved in nutrition and weight management for over 12 years and I like to share my kn...more

Shovon Joarder has been working as Freelance Marketing Project Manager for over four years. He also ...more

My Name is Anish Sah, I am an Internet Marketing and SEO Expert, Social Media Guru and young Entrepr...more

Oleg has been providing SEO, Copywriting and Content Management services for 10+ years. For the last...more

My Vasectomy - A Story of Great Pain, Unfathomable Courage And Lots of Frozen Vegetables by George Reagan

My Vasectomy - A Story of Great Pain, Unfathomable Courage And Lots of Frozen Vegetables by
Article Posted: 06/17/2013
Article Views: 501
Articles Written: 4
Word Count: 888
Article Votes: 0
AddThis Social Bookmark Button

My Vasectomy - A Story of Great Pain, Unfathomable Courage And Lots of Frozen Vegetables

In the most advanced technical and medical terminology, a vasectomy is a procedure in which the "vas deferens" is snipped in order to prevent maniacal testosterone laden sperm from racing to impregnate the next sexy ovary that happens to come their way. Yes, sperm are complete sluts. Everyone knows the "vas deferens" came to be so named when Vas, the famous Dutch bicycling legend, had a tragic accident while cycling down a particularly jarring mountainous stretch of the Tour De France, repeatedly striking a certain part of his anatomy on the support bar of his bike - and that is why it is always better for guys to ride girl's bikes - but I digress.

Actually, the names of all anatomical structures are Latin in origin. In the vernacular, "vas deferens" is difficult to translate but most scholars concur its meaning to be something along the lines of "snipping me brings great anguish in unwelcome region of body." And that is why, of course, the Romans invented straight smooth roads, why they laid on cushions for their meals, and especially why they invented frozen peas - but I digress - again.

Armed with this convincing evidence I approached my girlfriend (who thought a vasectomy would be a great way for me to make a valuable contribution to the relationship) in order to alert her to the dreadful dangers associated with this grim procedure. To my great consternation and distress, she didn't even bother to glance away from her book, and just said, "I think your Latin is a little rusty. You just need to put on your big boy pants, march into the doctor's office, drop your big boy pants and get 'er done. Chop. Chop."

"I wish you wouldn't say it quite that way." I implored.

"Just make the appointment, George. My God, can't you handle a little discomfort?"

"It is called intense pain," I replied, "and I handle pain quite well."

She was still laughing when I made the appointment.

Three weeks later there I was, sitting in the urologist's office with a group of men who collectively shared the look of twelve year old boys facing their first public shower after middle school gym class. The staff was almost too friendly, as if they were privy to an inside joke the victims, I mean patients, knew nothing about.

They called my name and as I rose to follow the nurse like a sheep to the slaughter, my girlfriend winked at me and silently mouthed "chop chop" as I exited the waiting room. The nurse was also overly friendly (but not in that kind of way. Pay attention! This is not that kind of story) as she shaved my genital area with what looked like a rusty razor. Maybe it is just me but the mere thought that razor may have been previously used was deeply disturbing.

I was jolted out of my reverie, however, when she pulled a container out of a refrigerator. Smiling, she said, "This will hurt more than anything today," and then proceeded to spray my privates with a fluid colder than ice. I think it was liquid nitrogen, and I briefly wondered if the doctor would march in with a sledge hammer, shatter my frozen balls to pieces and declare, "There - you will never have children again."

But no, it was not going to be that easy.

The doctor did enter the procedure room for real this time, and he also smiled blissfully. In his case he probably still could not believe he made so much money from despoiling testicles.

Regretting my decision, I considered bolting - until I saw the needle - and the horror of its size made me catatonic as I sat rooted to the "procedure" chair, or rack - whatever it is called. The doctor smiled at me and said, "Don't move; we want to get this in the right place, "as he proceeded to plunge the needle into the right side of my balls.


Yes, it hurt a lot. How much you ask? Well, it hurt exactly as much as a needle being plunged into your balls would be expected to hurt - yeah, that much.

"Okay, that wasn't too bad was it?" The doctor inquired, still grinning broadly. "Guess what? We only need to do that one more time."

Before I could react he impaled the left side of my testicles, and yes, it hurt pretty much the same.

I don't remember too much after that, though my girlfriend says I often relive the ordeal in my dreams and that it's not too much of a turn on for her to hear me whimpering in bed. I do recall at one point near the end of the procedure, a burning reek. I asked the grinning physician what it was.

Flashing a smirk, he replied, "your flesh," and he enjoyed saying it. Evidently that's how they seal the old vas deferens so the spunky sperm can't get to the impregnation zone. And that is why I believe I was the victim of a Geneva Convention violation or something pretty darn close.

To my amazement, I did not require hospitalization or ambulatory care to get home, but I was extremely thankful for good old Roman ingenuity for inventing those frozen peas.

Related Articles - funny vasectomy story, humor, men's humor, medical humor, vasectomy gone wrong, ,

Email this Article to a Friend!

Receive Articles like this one direct to your email box!
Subscribe for free today!

 Rate This Article  
Completely useless, should be removed from directory.
Minimal useful information.
Decent and informative.
Great article, very informative and helpful.
A 'Must Read'.


Do you Agree or Disagree? Have a Comment? POST IT!

 Reader Opinions 
Submit your comments and they will be posted here.
Make this comment or to the Author only:
*Your email will NOT be posted. This is for administrative purposes only.
Comments: *Your Comments WILL be posted to the AUTHOR ONLY if you select PRIVATE and to this PUBLIC PAGE if you select PUBLIC, so write accordingly.
Please enter the code in the image:

 Author Login 
Register for Author Account


Advertiser Login


   Limited Time $60 Offer!
   90  Days-1.5 Million Views  


Great Paranormal Romance


Steve Bye is currently a fiction writer, who published his first novel, ‘Looking Forward Through The...more

Stevert Mckenzie, Travel Enthusiast. ...more

I am not a writer nor am I trying to become a writer. I am an average person with average intelligen...more

Author of four books and two screenplays; frequent magazine contributor. I have four other books "in...more

At LeadGenerators, we specialise in content-led Online Marketing Strategies for our clients in the t...more

Rev Bresciani is the author of two Christian books. One book is an important and concisely written b...more

Susan Friesen, founder of the award-winning web development and digital marketing firm eVision Media...more

Kiranpreet (Kiran) Kaur, D.D.S., who received her Doctor of Dental Surgery degree from the prestigio...more

Steve Burgess is a freelance technology writer, a practicing computer forensics specialist as the pr...more

Joanna Morgan has a huge passion for making money online from home and enjoys traveling around the w...more

HomeLinksAbout UsContact UsTerms of UsePrivacy PolicyFAQResources
Copyright © 2019, All rights reserved.
Some pages may contain portions of text relating to certain topics obtained from under the GNU FDL license