The 5 Best Lawyer Jokes Ever

#1 One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked them. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then," said the lawyer. "But sir, I have a wife with six children," the second man answered. "Bring them as well." said the lawyer. They all climbed into the limousine - no easy task - and one of the poor fellows said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." "No problem," said the lawyer, "The grass in my yard is about two feet tall."

#2 There was a funeral procession that included two hearses and a man walking a dog. Several hundred people followed the man. Curious, a pedestrian approached the man. "The first hearse carries my ex-wife's lawyer," the man explained. "My dog bit him and he died two days later. The second hearse has a lawyer who opposed me in some business litigation. He met the same fate." The pedestrian thought for a moment, then asked, "Could I borrow your dog?" "Okay by me, but you're going to have to wait your turn like these other people."

#3 A farmhand consulted a lawyer. He had long tended the late farmer's cows, and believed they would be his when the farmer died. Now the farmer's son claimed ownership. "I'll take your case," said the lawyer, "Don't worry about the cows." The next day the farmer's son came in. The cows were raised on his land, he said, they should be his. "I'll take your case," said the lawyer, "Don't worry about the cows." Later, his secretary asked, "How can the cows belong to both?" "Don't worry about the cows," the lawyer said. "The cows will be ours."

#4 The District Attorney was approaching the Suwanee River when he noticed a sign, "Caribbean Cruise - $99.00". He stopped and bought a ticket, whereupon the salesman hit him on the head, wrapped him in a rug and threw him in the river. The Public Defender noticed the same sign. He too bought a ticket, got hit on the head, wrapped in a rug and tossed in the river. The Public Defender awoke and called out to the State's Attorney, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?" The District Attorney replied, "They didn't last year!"

#5 NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”

_________________

Penny Lee writes for BAC Malaysia, a leading law college in Malaysia.

Related Articles - best lawyer jokes, law jokes, jokes about lawyers, best jokes,

Email this Article to a Friend! Receive Articles like this one direct to your email box! Subscribe for free today!