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I Want To Change Myself by Lisa Endicott
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I Want To Change Myself |
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Writing
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I firstly I should be cheerful for entertainment, instead I am not cheerful. Maybe others are fully disappointed about me. Maybe, I have to admit all around me. I am still like before when I come across some unhappy things, I will lose my temper. I am hopeless. He is wrong but I am not right previously him. After that things, I think I did something improper. The outcome is unpredictable. Others will see me in a wired way. I can not join in them anymore. I am not smart and I really do not know how to handle my emotion. The life is all the time not gone be ok and I always get angry. I realize I should not have done something when I was furious. It is my characteristics that I never think the result before act. I am not good at saving the situation and always want to stay away from them. I really want to change myself better. My father is right. I should not be similar to my mother. But I was with my mother since I was a baby. Who else should I be like? I see my future from my mother. I really do not want to be the one I see. I want to change myself. I think I fritter away the past twenty years. I hope I can change myself after the birthday of 21. I wish I would be converted into an smart woman. Only this situation makes me think so much. I never have time to think about my future before. Now my family is in a bad state and this make me have no choice to think how I live in the next time. I will constantly ask myself what I want to do. I do not know what I can do in this society. I am not beautiful, bad figure, no high education and even without high intelligent. I am out of this society. I am almost given up by my family. My father has high expectation on me, but I always make him disappointed. I really want to hear his prize on me, but it vanished several years ago. Now what I can see is his serious face without any smile. His serous and critical words are always around me. So does my mother. I have to go through everyday in the criticizing. I have no choice but hiding in my room. I really hate myself why I am so stupid. My 22 birthday is coming around. I do not know how to pass the day. However, I will work hard and let my parents lead a better life. I will buy the Tiffany jewelry us. to my mother because it is her best love. Destiny, I will challenge you. I want to change the fate and myself. I am on the way.
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