The romance, the time of dating, the learning about each other and what things make each other mad, and finally the proposal, the wedding, the great time at the wedding reception, and your new life starts. During this period of time, nobody goes into a marriage thinking that a divorce is on the horizon. |
But divorce is a reality for almost 50% of marriages that happen today. This is not just Hollywood where a typical marriage is almost a farce and the typical Hollywood marriage time is measured in weeks and months instead of years and decades. This is a serious threat that is going on throughout the entire nation.
Why does divorce happen? One of the primary reasons for divorce, according to several studies, is the tension caused by financial problems. This should not be surprising. Many couple go into a marriage thinking that love will conquer all, but both people are going into the marriage with a ton of student loan debt, plus a couple of credits cards, and these factors, coupled with the myth that two can live as cheaply as one is where much of the trouble starts.
Another reason is that couples just fall away from each other. In this busy and very hectic lifestyle that we all lead, couples don't spend enough time doing things together, and when they do, that time is filled with arguments and disagreements because somewhere along the way, they have discovered that they are no longer on the same page, that same page that they were on for such a long time.
How do you tell if you should be thinking seriously about a divorce? It is not an easy decision, and is compounded even further if there are children involved. If there are children, you don't want to turn their lives upside down, but is your marriage something you can "mask" or "pretend" with until your children are out of college and better able to accept the fact that their parents are divorcing without throwing a huge curve ball into their lives? It is something to think about, and every situation is different and unique.
You need to talk openly and frankly with your partner about this. The ground rules for such a discussion are no yelling, screaming, accusations, but rather a calm discussion between two adults. Without those ground rules, such a discussion with your partner is only going to serve to aggravate the problem. You should both go to marriage counseling, together. One or the other going alone is not going to accomplish anything, unless recommended by the counselor.
But the first thing you need to do is look deep within your heart and find out if you really WANT a divorce. Are you longing for the days of excitement about meeting new people of the opposite sex where you really enjoyed that game, or are you really not on the same page with your spouse and do not see you getting back on the same page, or perhaps have no desire to be on the same page with them?
Marriage means compromise and that it's not always your way. Are you willing to compromise with your partner? Are they willing to compromise with you? Can you honestly say that you have compromised on those things that irritate your spouse, and can they honestly say that they have also? An open and frank discussion can reveal these things, where many times the lack of communication is the root of the problem. Sometimes couples can find this out themselves, and sometimes this fact is brought out in counseling sessions.
Bottom line: sometimes divorce is the best option. The paths taken by the two people were not a common path, but two different paths which have taken different directions, so the people who got married way back when are not the same people facing each other today. But you need to really examine all the facets of divorce and determine what is going to make you happy. Life is too short to be unhappy, although you may find that you are actually unhappier with the loneliness that can accompany divorce. For more insights and additional information about Divorce and Divorce Avoidance please visit our web site at http://www.my-divorce-guide.com
Related Articles -
divorce, divorce law, child and divorce, divorce information,