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Mysterious official government documents, anonymously mailed to this author in an unopened box of Honey Nut Cheerios, point to an unsettling and possibly sinister connection between the Three Stooges and the famous Roswell UFO coverup. Were Larry, Moe and Curly much more than the zany, eye-gougers that we know and love? Could they have been key participants in the greatest UFO coverup in history? I hear you crying out loud and wailing in sad disbelief - No! No! - Not the beloved Three Stooges. Well grow up people. Stranger things have happened. Someone explain to me how George Stephanopoulos got to be a co-host on Good Morning America. Clearly a strong push by the politically influential Greek Dwarf Morning Show Co-Hosting Union 485 had something to do with that decision. But I digress. For those of you in the reading audience with limited exposure to the important world of UFOs and government conspiracy, let me tell you about the Roswell UFO coverup.The Roswell UFO incident was a report of a flying object that crashed in the general vicinity of Roswell, New Mexico, in July,1947. Initial reports, including an Army press release, indicated that the object was allegedly an extra-terrestrial spacecraft or a very large lightning bug. Strange debris, including out of style ladies underwear, and possibly alien occupants were reported at the scene. The incident has been the subject of intense controversy and of conspiracy theories as to the true nature of the object that crashed. The United States Army maintains that what was recovered was debris from an experimental high-altitude surveillance balloon, however, many UFO nuts, I mean proponents, maintain that an alien flying saucer and its crew were captured, and that the military then engaged in a cover-up. Now, the new documents uncovered by this author open up the possibility that this government coverup was even more terrifying and ominous than ever imagined - the conspiracy may have been ordered and carried out with cold razor-sharp efficiency by The Three Stooges (emit gasps and horrified cries here please). In fact, there is convincing and not-made-up evidence that Larry, Moe and Curly were in reality alien beings (although much uglier and ill-mannered than that adorable little E.T.). Let's examine the telling evidence. The first document pulled from my cereal box is a copy of an Executive Order issued by the President of the United States to the Roswell on-site recovery team. It contains this veiled, but somehow familiar warning to the soldiers working at the Roswell crash site. I quote - "If youse guys tell anyone about the flying saucer, you are going to have Moe's fingers inserted in your eyes quicker that you can say Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. What the hell does that mean? I report - you decide. Another document sent by the anonymous informant also contains suspicious language. In no uncertain terms it states that all all debris recovered at the crash site is copyrighted and the sole property of M. Howard, C. Howard and L. Fine. To be fair, this reference may be innocent and those particular names may be quite common for green, eight-legged alien creatures from Uranus. Finally, what appears to be correspondence from a dying witness to the Roswell crash also implicates The Three Stooges. He describes a visit from mysterious Men in Black after he witnessed the UFO crash. In solemn words he remembers the encounter - "They came into the room and made me sit in a chair with a pickle on my head. The one with wild, frizzy hair came up to me and screamed in my face that if I ever told anyone about the UFO crash I would be sorry. Then the guy with the bowl haircut and the fat mentally-challenged idiot began to hit and smack each other over the head pointlessly, over and over until I couldn't stand it any longer. I cracked and agreed to never speak of the incident if they would only stop. Oh, the horror!" Along with this compelling evidence, there is one other thing that points unfailingly to the truth of this alarming disclosure. No humans, in the entire history of the world, have ever looked, or behaved, like The Three Stooges. Larry's pale, lifeless complexion and wiry, straggling hair; Moe's intense psychotic gaze as he pummels Curly senseless for no discernible reason; and Curly's nonsensical, but strangely alien, verbal utterances all conclusively identify them as face-eating, let's take over the world extraterrestrials. Face the horrible truth citizens - we have been visited and it is not a pretty sight. Let's get ready folks. Please support S.E.T.I. with your generous donations so we can be prepared if they should ever decide to invade Planet Earth again. Let's not be stooges, O.K. See for yourself if I am kidding: http://www.3dastronomer.com/aff/go.php?offer=spear6150&pid=1&tid=spear6150 Get a free e-Book on Six Reasons Why You Should Use Humor in Your Marketing, by professional comedy writer and Internet marketing guru, Garry R. Spear. For your free e-Book visit http://www.sonicboomenergy.com
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