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Calling all tired, overworked, underappreciated moms: The timesthey are a-changing. According to recent studies, men are shouldering more of the domestic burden -- and spending more time parenting --than any generation before them. They're more involved with theirfamilies. They hug more, they say "I love you" more. They're nolonger mystified by the dials on the washing machine. Fathers'desire to be involved with their children "is to the twenty-firstcentury what women's desire to be in the workplace was to thetwentieth century," wrote Dr. Warren Farrell in his book Father and Child Reunion . And though the numbers are still relatively small, the number ofstay-at-home fathers -- about 154,000 , according to the 2010 Census -- is on the rise, with an estimated16 percent of preschoolers being cared for by Dad while Mom is atwork. In short, men are acting more like moms. Isn't this what we've been waiting for? Sort of. More full-time fathers generally means more high-achievingwoman bringing home big paychecks -- hooray for us. But justbecause mothers are working more outside the home doesn't meanthey're getting a break inside the home. Studies show that women still carry out about 70 percent of the domestic work (even though men believe they are doing half) -- an allocation of responsibility thatappears to hold even when Mom works and Dad remains at home. This,as you might imagine, can create a potentially explosive atmospherewhen financial tensions are already running high. Take Lauren, a high-powered magazine editor who works upwards of 80hours a week while her husband stays home with their daughter.After realizing they were spending much of their already-scarcealone time fighting over dirty dishes in the sink or piles ofunwashed laundry, Lauren hired part-time help, though finances werealready tight. "I felt it was almost necessary to save ourmarriage, or at least to restore some sanity," she said. "I hatedcoming home, exhausted, to a big mess and a crying child, and hehated that I expected him to be taking care of all of it justbecause he's there all the time. Though I did." A friend of mine, a mother of two whose husband was laid off fromhis job on Wall Street, told me that the threat-alert to domestictranquility in her house is constant-orange, easily going to red."Little things so easily become big things," she said. "If I askhim to do a simple thing like pick up a gallon of milk or take oneof the kids to practice, there is always this unspoken implicationleft hanging there: I can ask you to do these things because I havea job and you don't.'" (Of course, not all full-time fathers arewithout jobs. Thanks to technology and changing work rules, there'sa new breed of "dadpreneurs" who can make a living working fromhome most or all of the time. But that begs the question: Can aworkday accommodate a break for a pick-up from soccer practice?) In Breadwinner Wives and the Men They Marry , Randi Minetor writes that many unemployed men, already wounded bywhat they see as their diminished status, see taking on "women'swork" as another blow to their manhood. Lots of guys don't care:They shrug off what anybody thinks in return for the rewards ofwatching the kids grow up. But in general, when Dad goes frombreadwinner to bread baker, his self-esteem can suffer, which, inturn, can affect a marriage. A recent study by the Council onContemporary Families, which looked at the relationship betweenemployment status and divorce, found that although the socialpressures that once discouraged women from working outside the home have fallen , the pressure on husbands to be the primary earner remain. Thestudy concluded that a woman's job has little impact on thestrength of a marriage, but her husband's employment status can bea threat. Meanwhile, a 2007 Pew Study on working mothers revealedthat 60 percent of full-time working moms would rather be part-time -- up from 48 percent 15 years ago. Despite our evolving genderroles, the ever-breaking of glass ceilings, are we somehowhard-wired to see men as the provider? The answer, most probably, is yes. Though we might like to thinkthat our roles as men and women have become fluid enough to swapMom for Dad and vice versa, I'm not sure it's quite that easy.While stay-at-home fathers may get applause for their enlightenedself-confidence, cultural respect is another matter. Though thereare more of them, including the husbands of powerful women likeformer Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm and Bare Escentualsfounder Leslie Blodgett -- as well as many examples of strong,full-time-by-choice fathers on television, including shows like Parenthood and Modern Family -- in some circles, full-time fathers are still something of acuriosity. Remember the movie Mr. Mom ? Michael Keaton mastered domesticity. But it wasn't a happy endinguntil he got his old job back -- with a raise. In addition to their struggle for respect, full-time fathers oftenfind themselves wrestling with the same issues of isolation andboredom that have long been the complaints of stay-at-home mothers.Of course, stay-at-home dads aren't without support. There are manyresources for them, from playgroups to group counseling todedicated blogs with titles like "At Home Dad" and "Dad StaysHome." They even have their own convention, held annually in KansasCity. But mastering the home can lead to turf issues -- and powerstruggles. When our daughter was younger, my husband stoppedworking for a few months. After having breakfast with her everymorning, he would take her to school, go on all class field trips,pick her up every afternoon and take her to practices or home toplay with friends. I was glad to have the help, of course -- or wasI? It wasn't long into his sabbatical that I began eyeing him likewhite corpuscles look at a splinter: Get out! Could that in part be because I thought I made the better"house-wife"? Thankfully, we're long past the days when men lookedat a stove as if it were a Japanese street sign. That doesn't meanthey've mastered the ways of the house -- or that we necessarilywant them to. The truth is that men are more likely to apply thefive second rule (anything dropped on the floor for fewer than fiveseconds is still perfectly OK to eat), mis-match shoes, and upholdthe belief that dishes left in a sink for the afternoon do notcause Ebola. There can be a nagging feeling on the part of momsthat, in their absence, things might not be running with mom-likeprecision. I think it's wonderful that more dads are staying home to take careof the kids -- honestly. It just might not be as clean a swap aswe'd like. But the arrangement does have its benefits. Studies show that this new generation of dads views family as the center oftheir lives -- and that's new. Maybe it's because their wives areworking or maybe it has something to do with the distance these menfelt from their own fathers, whose sole responsibility was to bethe financial provider. Maybe it's just another evolutionary clickof the wheel. Whatever the combination of reasons, there is a newdad in the house. Just don't call him Mr. Mom. We are high quality suppliers, our products such as Acid Cellulase Enzyme Manufacturer , Hydrophilic Softener for oversee buyer. To know more, please visits Amino Silicone.
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