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Despite her misgivings, Michelle had the abortion under generalanaesthetic. She never saw John again. Then, a year later, she met her current partner, Paul, at a localpub. They fell in love and eventually set up home together.Michelle says she was open about her abortions, and told Paul, 36— who is an estates manager — that she didn'twant any more children. ‘I didn't want my kids to have different dads,'she explains. ‘But as time passed, and I saw what a goodstep-father Paul was, I felt it wasn't fair to deny him thechance to be a father. He was delighted, and I became pregnant within three months. Ourdaughter, Emily, arrived in September 2003.' However, the pregnancy wasn't easy — Michelle sufferedextreme sickness and exhaustion. Then family life became a strain when Jason started getting intotrouble at school for disruptive behaviour, which continued athome. He was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome in 2006. Thefollowing year, in July, Michelle was going through a rocky periodwith Paul when she discovered she was pregnant again. She says: ‘At the time we were barely speaking, as we wereboth so stressed out. We hadn't been intimate for months, butone night relations thawed and we had sex. ‘Until then, we'd been using condoms but this time wedidn't. Although I thought about getting the morning-afterpill, I ended up leaving it to chance.' Michelle says she wasstunned to find herself facing yet another unplanned pregnancy. ‘I worried if Paul and I had a future together, and howI'd cope if I became as ill as I did when I was expectingEmily.' When she told Paul she wanted an abortion, he was aghast. Despitehis protests, she didn't change her mind. ‘I wasn't trying to hurt him,' she says. ‘Iwas just very angry at finding myself in this situationagain.' She avoided raising the subject after that, andbecause Paul was working long hours they didn't have a properdiscussion about it. At nine weeks, Michelle was granted a third NHS abortion, atanother London clinic. ‘I was 31 and it had been 13 years since my firstabortion,' she says. ‘When I was asked at the clinic how many terminationsI'd had before, I lied and said one. I felt too embarrassedto admit I'd had two.' She agreed to have a surgicalabortion without a general anaesthetic but was unprepared for howdistressed it would make her feel. ‘I'd never been given the option before,' shesays. ‘But I felt pressurised into it after being told Icould leave more quickly if I stayed awake. I found myself lying ona table, my legs in stirrups, and choking back tears.' The procedure, she says, was quick but painful. Michelle fled fromthe clinic just half-an-hour later, in shock and still in pain. Doubts about that abortion crept in straight away, and she vowedshe would never terminate another pregnancy. ‘Of all my abortions, this was the most difficult to come toterms with,' she says. ‘With hindsight, I rushed into it too quickly, and withoutconsidering how Paul felt — and perhaps it was too easybecause I'd done it twice before. I wish I hadn't gonethrough with it.' During the next couple of years, Paul and Michelle rebuilt theirrelationship — but couldn't bring themselves to discussthe abortion. The guilt, Michelle says, was unbearable, especially when shewatched Emily grow up and thought about the brother or sister shecould have had. ‘The two boys, who are now 15 and 16, had each other, butEmily had no one, and I felt it would be nice if she had a youngersibling, and a "full one" rather than half. I could seehow much she loved babies, too. My sister has a little boy and sheadores him.' The guilt grew into a burning desire to have another baby. Paulalso longed for one as much as Michelle did. The couple have been trying to conceive for more than two yearsnow, but Michelle has so far failed to become pregnant for aseventh time. Some days she sees it as a punishment for the terminations. She admits she has never told her parents about her second andthird abortions, and has not spoken about any of them with herchildren. Her daughter is still too young for such a discussion, but she hastold her teenage boys about contraception, urging them to takeresponsibility when the time comes. Michelle says: ‘I am often reminded of what I lost when I seesomeone who is pregnant or has a new baby. ‘But I don't expect sympathy. I know I'm lucky tohave three children when so many people cannot have one, andit's hard to justify wanting another child when I'vehad three abortions.' She adds: ‘It's not the way I wanted things to turnout. While it would have been very difficult for me to continue mypregnancies at 17 and 24, by the time I was 31, with a home and apartner, I know now that I could have worked things out. ‘I will think about those abortions for the rest of mylife.' Brian's name has been changed. We are high quality suppliers, our products such as Samsung Protective Case , iPhone 4 Silicone Cases Manufacturer for oversee buyer. To know more, please visits iPhone4 Leather Cases.
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