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Hilarious news spoof machine The Onion has found its way to Goldman Sachs again, this time they've crafted a report on the one moralindividual hired by the bank. From The Onion Seeking to mollify critics over its role in the global financialcrisis, Goldman Sachs announced Friday the hiring of junior analystGreg Kohler, who executives said is the investment bank's first and only employee to possess a clearset of morals or a basic understanding of right and wrong. The piece couldn't have come at a more appropriate time asrecently, Goldman has been trying to show a warmer, fuzzier side. Lloyd Blankfein made the rounds on financial TV this spring (very rare) and thecompany even got a twitter handle (transparency!). But apparentlyThe Onion, known for its cutting satire, doesn't think Goldman'scampaign goes far. See, Mr. Kohler clearly represents the bank's attempt at a PRmakeover, and in the piece he is secluded in a "16-square-footoffice in a seldom-traveled hallway adjacent to the officecafeteria's dishwashing facility", barred from "ever taking ahigh-ranking position within the U.S. government, as that wouldpresent a serious conflict of interest," and of course, he reportsto no one and has no influence within the company. From The Onion: "While Mr. Kohler won't be attending a single meeting orinfluencing any of our business decisions, we're confident hisacute sense of professional integrity will prove a valuable asset,"Siewert continued.. ....Kohler will report to a vice president of private wealthmanagement who will be barred from communicating with him inperson, by phone, or over e-mail in the event Kohler accidentallyhears about, and thus has to report, any instances of duplicitousbehavior. Even more hilarious was the comment that a fake Goldman employeemade about the hire. This individual, who spoke on the condition ofanonymity, of course, expressed concern that Mr. Kohler mightdestroy the bank's carefully crafted culture: "On a certain level, I'm not worried about having him onboard—he's just one guy, after all—but the mere factthat we'll be sharing an office with someone who plays by the rulesis extremely depressing," said a managing director who spoke oncondition of anonymity. "At the end of the day, you just want tocut loose with a few of your coworkers and expense a $2,000 mealwithout having to think that someone's back at the office doing hisjob with professionalism and character." "It's just that I value the tradition we've all worked so hard tocreate here," he continued. "I wouldn't want one virtuous person toruin that." The horror. Read the full article at The Onion. I am an expert from architectural-scalemodel.com, while we provides the quality product, such as Architectural Model Supplies Manufacturer , Miniature Modeling Tools, Custom Scale Model Cars,and more.
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