I am not a relationship expert. Very few of us are. My beliefs about romantic relationships or partnerships are based on my personal experience. My ideas about relationships (like most of my philosophies), are related to personal growth and spiritual evolution. I’ve been working on developing my theories in my writings for over three years. |
I believe that people should stay together in a relationship (a partnership) only as long as it is “working”, and there is growth. What comes out of a relationship should be mutually beneficial and agreeable to both parties. That may mean our relationships last a week or a life-time.
I feel that we need to be challenged in our personal relationships. We should expect to have "arguments" with our partner. I prefer to think of them as "constructive conflicts". This theory has to do with "What doesn't kill you, makes you (and the relationship) stronger". I wrote about this in my first book. It’s about “getting the lessons”. What new insights about yourself and the outside world can you take away from your relationships? We do not need to experience drama in our relationships. A relationship certainly shouldn’t involve any kind of abuse. This is something I will not tolerate.
I am of the opinion that most relationships require a certain amount of effort to keep them alive. You should be interested and involved in what your partner is doing. Your partner should also take interest in your life (We also need to have hobbies and friends of our own). It’s vital to seek out new experiences. We need to do things that challenge ourselves and each other. Romantic partners should create opportunities to explore the perceived limits of the relationship.
Lack of intimacy is a good sign that a relationship is no longer working. Infidelity is a clear signal that a mate is either not interested in an exclusive relationship; the person is confused about what he/she wants, or there is a lack of positive growth.
If your partner no longer wants to work on the relationship, or wants to explore other options, then we need to respect our mate’s desire to move on. We typically personalize our partner’s decision to leave the relationship. “I must have done something wrong”. It’s normal to feel hurt, rejected, and abandoned when attachments and bonds have been broken. This doesn’t mean the relationship failed, or that there is anything that “you” did to cause your partner to leave, or cheat.
We are whole people. We have many “needs”. Please refer to Maslow’s pyramid. I also wrote about “personal needs” in my book: “Illusion of the Body”. Receiving love from other people is a need. It’s a big one. Humans are not meant to be alone for lengthy periods of time. In my humble opinion, your spirit will eventually die without love. This is true even if we know our own worth. Self-love is not the same as the deeper love and connection we experience from being in an intimate relationship. People are meant to be involved in many kinds of relationships. That’s how we learn and grow.
Soul mates relationships are a different experience. I have found them to be intellectually fulfilling. Soul mates can profoundly impact our learning and life experience. Soul mates have insight and wisdom that we are not likely not find in other kinds of relationships.
We have many soul mates. There is usually an instant attraction to a soul mate. The feeling is unmistakable. Two soul mates (personalities) are not always compatible. That doesn’t mean soul mates can’t learn from each other as friends or maintain professional relationships. Since there are many soul mates to choose from . . . I tend to think that a “twin flame” is the divine masculine and feminine energies. The twin flame becomes a unified force for positive growth when successful partnerships are pursued.
Most of us have had at least one “traumatic experience” in our childhood or with our past intimate relationships. I’m not interested in “fixing” a person. If you are going to get involved romantically with someone, it’s important to determine what the other person’s needs are. Get to know this person (as best you can) before taking steps that involve commitment.
We are mirrors for each other. The purpose of a relationship (in my mind) is to support each other in improving aspects of our character. We also come together to support each other in our ambitions for success. Be sure you are willing to work with the other person on his/her issues. The other person also needs to be willing to work with us on our issues. The only true test to know whether a relationship is going to work is to play it out.
Also . . . is there a perfect time to start a new relationship? I believe that fear of failure and being hurt, keeps us from being in the game and experiencing love. Our fears hold us back from being successful . . . at everything in life. It’s okay to take a break and collect our thoughts. We should always be reflecting on our experiences.
I don’t start a project with the idea that it’s going to “fail”. If that were the case, I would have given up on my dreams the first time “something didn’t work out”. I wouldn’t have bothered doing anything. In fact, there was a time when I did stop living certain parts of my life. I became discouraged. So I learned satisfied with less than what I really wanted for myself. It’s not worth giving up on pursuing your happiness, because you are afraid of pain. I don’t know whether all of this sounds too idealistic, but it’s what came to me.
Love, light, and blessings,
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