We’ve been exploring signs of abusive relationships in this series. We’ve discussed control and isolation and in this article, we discuss more openly abusive behavior – verbal abuse. (For the sake of clarity, this article is written as though the victim of domestic violence is female and the perpetrator is male. Abusive relationships are not necessarily dependent on this commonality and roles can be reversed. Abusive relationship can also be in same-gender couples.) With control and isolation in place, your partner can then escalate his behavior safely. After all, he has you doubting your judgment, feeling alone and without a support system. Verbal abuse can be brushed aside as “heated words of the moment” or “blowing off steam.” Often, victims excuse verbal abuse as being part of a fight or because their partner is “passionate.” Verbal abuse is identified as the following behavior: -Yelling, screaming or swearing at you -Embarrassing you or putting you down in public or with your friends or family -Constantly telling you what to do/wear/how to behave -Threatening you to take away your children -Threatening to expose secrets about you to your friends, family, co-workers, etc. -Being nasty or insulting online on your social media accounts -Being passive aggressive in their insults or put downs, saying things like, “Cant’ you take a joke?” -Twisting your words or turning you into the “bad guy” and him becoming the victim -Threatening to harm themselves if you leave them -Threatening to harm people, pets or items if you don’t do as they want -Saying hurtful to you and insulting things about you “for your own good” Certainly, we have all said things which we regret, but verbal abuse follows a pattern of repeated and escalating behavior. If you find yourself in a verbally abusive relationship, it is important to realize that these behaviors often escalate and to seek help for yourself and regain your trust in yourself and build yourself back up. Many human services agencies are available to help you heal and move forward in your life. They use compassionate counseling and sophisticated case tracking human services software to help you find the best resources and heal and prevent the pattern from happening. You can call the National Hotline for Domestic Violence at 1-800-799-SAFE or for sexual violence call 1-800-656-HOPE. Local human services organizations are available to help and can direct you in your path of healing.
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