Airplane Toilet Challenges (Part II) |
How often have you had the urge to pee on an airplane when the attendants block the aisles behind your row with service carts? Obviously, the only option is to use the first-class toilet. However, one problem…the purser has drawn the curtain that separates the cabins. Here are the recommended steps:
1) Tug the curtain aside, acting confident like you’re a first-class passenger. 2) When the purser becomes confrontational, point at the service carts blocking your path to the rear restrooms. 3) Patiently listen to the purser’s lecture about the privacy of the first-class cabin. 4) Jump from one leg to another when the purser orders you to return to your seat. 5) Cross your legs and hold your crotch with both hands. 6) Offer a five-dollar bribe to the purser to allow use of the toilet. 7) Offer a ten-dollar bribe to the purser to allow use of the toilet. 8) Offer a twenty-dollar bribe to the purser to allow use of the toilet. 9) Curse at the attendant for rejecting your offer. 10) Return to your seat and begin to battle the series of pain signals detailed in Airplane Challenges (Part I). 11) Politely ask the coach cabin attendants to move the carts. 12) Curse to yourself after they announce that the beverage service will be completed shorty. 13) Look back from your seat every ten seconds, checking if the attendants have completed the beverage service.
When the purser strolls down the aisle to collect trash in the coach section, seize the opportunity to initiate the following action plan:
1) Jump up immediately and dart through the curtain toward the first-class toilet. 2) Curse when you note the toilet is occupied and observe an older gentleman waiting beside the door. 3) When the purser returns to the first-class cabin, slip into an open first row aisle seat, hoping it was vacated by the person in the toilet. 4) Explain your plight to the passenger in the adjacent first-class seat. 5) After the passenger frowns in disgust, flip them the "bird" when they look out the window. 6) When the purser returns with a coffee service, reach down at the floor, pretending to locate something that you dropped. 7) Pat yourself on the back when the purser passes by without noticing you. 8) When the toilet light goes out, immediately stand up to beat the old guy into the toilet. 9) After you fail to wrestle the control of the toilet door, strategically place your foot on the floor to block the it from closing. 10) After the guy shoves you backwards and locks the door, pound on it repeatedly. 11) Apologize to the purser who observes the disruption. 12) Beg for forgiveness after the purser threatens you with an arrest upon arrival. 13) Pivot to a corner in the front galley to release the urine. 14) Relax as the warm urine runs down your leg, soaking your pants and underwear. 15) Congratulate yourself on wearing black pants…the wet stains aren’t that obvious. 16) Before a puddle of urine collects on the thin carpet, nonchalantly scrape the pee across the surface with the edges of your shoes. 17) Grab a magazine from the closest seatback and quickly return to your seat, holding the magazine in front of your crotch area. 18) As you prepare to sit, point out toward the window to distract the adjacent passenger. 19) Cross your legs and tell the neighboring passenger you’re warm. 20) Open the air vent to the limit, pointing it toward your wet pants. 21) Pretend to fall asleep. 22) Get off the plane quickly after it lands. 23) Change clothes in the first restroom you pass in the terminal. Looking Forward Through The Rearview Mirror
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