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When we hear the word ‘addiction’ we tend to think of alcoholism, drug addiction, perhaps overeating or gambling. In fact, the word ‘addiction’ refers to any substance, behavior or thinking pattern that gives you a ‘fix’. An addiction, when acted out, gives you a ‘fix’ that changes the way you feel. All addictions are mood-altering, and this is how you recognize an addiction. Addiction is one of the symptoms of codependence, the core of codependence being a damaged or failed relationship with oneself, basically the feeling of shame related to the belief “I am not good enough”. Having this core belief about oneself is very, very painful and to avoid feeling this pain we will turn to almost anything to numb the pain. Addictions serve this purpose well as the addictive ‘fix’ acts as an emotional pain killer. All codependents are addicts and all addicts are codependents. Over the years, as I have worked with codependence and addictions, I have seen how thought patterns and behavior patterns serve exactly the same purpose as getting high on drugs or drunk on alcohol. This kind of addiction is commonly known as soft addiction. So, what is a soft addiction? Worry, thinking, romance, being a victim, people-pleasing, seduction, power, shopping, perfectionism, watching TV, sports and exercise, analysing, being busy, working, reading, spacing out, daydreaming, sex, sugar, caffeine, control and manipulation, stress, music, hanging out at cafés... As you can see, it is possible for almost anything to become an addiction. How do you know if what you do is acting out an addiction? Well, are you doing it to avoid facing the reality of how you are feeling about yourself and your life? We all do things to change the way we feel, but if what we do has the purpose of avoiding our reality and it’s a repetitive act, then there is the danger of it being an addiction. There is an underlying addictive dynamic rampant in our society, our culture and in individuals. We all seek a fix, a magical cure, to our ailments of body, mind and spirit. The magical white pills of modern western medicine, all the self-help books that are written and make the best-seller lists, all the workshops in personal growth, therapists, more money, the right house, the right hair cut... We all hope (if not consciously, then subconsciously) that one day we will hit the right pill/book/workshop/thing, and we will be forever cured. Besides glorifying some addictions, society also takes the role of an enabler (the original codependent) by making it sooo easy for us to act out our softer addictions – think TV, candy, cafés, shopping centers... It is us, the consumers, that crave our ‘fixes’ and smart business men and women will happily supply us with our choice of ‘fix’. Our society glorifies some addictions: Romance addiction, sex addiction, work addiction, spending addiction... Open any magazine and you will see! The sad part about all addictions is that although they provide temporary relief from your reality, they also keep you from taking responsibility for your life and actively setting about creating a life you love to live and a self you love to be. When I faced my own soft addictions, I did it by first becoming aware of what behaviors and thought patterns gave me a ‘fix’. Then I created a habit of catching myself in my addictive action, stopping it and asking: "What am I trying to avoid?" And then choosing to face instead of avoid. Was it easy? No. Was it rewarding? Unbelievably so! To truly stop being an addict (not just stop a specific addiction), codependence healing is necessary. When you heal your damaged relationship with yourself and are acitively engaged in creating a life of your own choosing, there is no more need for addictions...you love your reality so much, you no longer wish to avoid it. Gitte Lassen, The Positive Power Pilgrim, is a multi-dimensional codependence coach helping women who don't like themselves to love themselves and love their life. Check out her website www.codependencetherapy.com Gitte can be reached at gitte@positivepowerliving.com. You may also want to check out Gitte's blog: http://gittelassen.com/blog-home/ 9 Expert Tips for Jump Starting and Boosting Your Codependence Healing through Positive Power Action!
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