Recently I wrote a tongue-in-cheek article entitled, “The Downfall of Practically Everybody and Everything”. I made observations relative to the creeping loss of societal politeness and graciousness as my life proceeds toward an inevitable biological event. As if to punctuate a temporary darkness in my existence, recent “how are you” queries of my brother, Thom, and my best friend, Dennis went like this… |
“What’s the prognosis, Thom?” He was recently diagnosed with a form of cancer.
His answer was brief and to the point. “Death.”
“How is your old wazzou, Dennis?”
He was also direct. “My cardiologist said I’m doomed.”
Normally a sunny and optimistic chap, this mood-eclipse led me to additional observations about events that create disturbance in my nature. I’ve already covered political correctness in the aforementioned article, a cultural phenomenon that I consider the epitome of effete snobbery, stupidity, and faulty worldview.
Remember, as I have written before, I am a nosy writer always hyperaware, and a shameless buttinski. With that in mind…
I have further observed that males are expected to become more like females in today’s society. Apparently men are also supposed to speak in nasal voices featuring a lisp and/or sibilant “s”. I heard a young father tell his bratty son, “Now, Hunter, sthpeak with your inthide voithe.”
The kid sneered and screamed, “NOOO!!!”
The father looked perplexed and whined, “Doooh, now Hunt—tah…”
My neighborhood is full of guys just like him.
I once asked a group of them, “Hey, want a beer?”
They gave me a look like I suggested sodomizing a group of nuns. “Ewww, nooo.”
OBAMA’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE – This seems to be off the grid now, but so what if a citizen isn’t born here? I realize a law would have to be changed, but does it not seem ridiculous that a nation built upon immigrants would have such a requirement? I mean, our families are all from somewhere else, and the reason we’re here isn’t because things were going well in the old world. As long as the candidates are citizens of our country, I DO NOT care where they were born; but that’s my biased opinion based on observation.
“EVERYTHING” IS GEORGE BUSH’S FAULT – Harry Truman wrote that four terms after Hoover was voted out his party was still blaming everything bad on poor old Herbert. To Harry’s credit, he befriended Hoover in the latter’s declining years. Our governmental system consists of more than the sitting President, and surely you’ve noticed that those in charge of congress over the last 20 years are among the biggest collection of goofballs in the universe. That’s my opinion based on observation. The press also used to make fun of Bush when he misspoke, but they give Obama a pass. Among other things, Obama pronounces corps as “corpse” rather than “core”.
OBAMA IS WEAK ON TERRORISM – Well, let’s see, the Prez just gave the go-ahead to take out that dirtbag Osama Bin Laden so even if you don’t like Obama at least give him credit for that positive action. Some of our wimpy citizens are apoplectic; “Oh, my gawd, we’re celebrating a murder!” You can bet your sweet ass I am!
FROM MAD MAGAZINE – It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dopsy in snide—or something like that. I strongly agree with that observation.
FROM OLD-TIME COMIC STRIP SMOKEY STOVER – Scram gravy ain’t wavy! (and) Notary sojac! I also agree with both of those observations.
“CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN” – A slogan of change and hope from the last election. Well, let’s see two years ago…gasoline was $1.84 and is now $4.29 (where I reside)…crude oil was about $40 and is now almost $100…unemployment is somewhere between 10% and 15% depending on who manipulates the numbers…national debt has increased by 32%...and one and on… These are not value judgments, merely observations based on statistics from the Federal Government.
MISCELLANEOUS (off-the-wall observations)…
Inner–city teens and adults like toddlers from the suburbs invert “f” and “th”, examples: both is bof…thumb is fum…with is wif… Come to think of it, the premise works with “d” and “th” also: that is dat…these is dese…them is dem…
You are a racist if you use actual statistics and quotes when you use a Muslim’s or race-hustler’s (Louis Farrakhan, Jesse Jackson, Sheila Jackson Lee, etc.) actions and words against them. “How dare you try to hold me responsible for what I actually said!”
Words like “racist” have lost their power because they have been so misused by leftwing bomb throwers and the liberal press.
Ideologists from right and left are never satisfied no matter what the other does. The country has become more and more divided. Rasslin’ mentality abounds. Obama even used the rasslin’ analogy citing why he doesn’t pay attention to so-called debates between right and left on the news channels.
Debates suggest that two points of view are presented and discussed. Television debates are actually dual monologues with each side sticking to its particular talking points no matter how exposed they become as absurd.
Young people with tattoos and piercings are really going to look weird as they age.
I travel internationally and have for decades. There are more fat bastards (oops, not politically correct, I meant obese shit-kickers) in the US than in the rest of the world combined.
In US politics the only more inarticulate person than George W. Bush is Nancy Pelosi.
Getting elected to the US Congress is the best gig since the old Soviet Proletariat. I mean, you’re set for life and have license to do whatever you want. I wish I knew how to get in on that deal. I think with a little training I could be the most corrupt son-of-a-bitch in DC. Probably have a highway or a building named after me.
One final observation. Every time I get up in the morning and look into the mirror, an aging imposter winks back at me.
Copyright 2011 by Gene Myers.
Author of AFTER HOURS: ADVENTURES OF AN INTERNATIONAL BUSINESSMAN (2009), Strategic Publishing Group, New York, NY. Web site: www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/AfterHours.html Now available on-line as an eBook from Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Get out there and order it, you knuckleheads, and save me from pursuing a corrupt political career!
Author of SONGS FROM LATTYS GROVE (2010), PublishAmerica, Fredericksburg, MD. Also now available as an eBook from the publisher. Order at once! (Pretty please.)
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