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The Untold Side of Open Adoption by Bruce Markey

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The Untold Side of Open Adoption by
Article Posted: 09/30/2012
Article Views: 52
Articles Written: 326
Word Count: 772
Article Votes: 0
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The Untold Side of Open Adoption

Family & Parenting
open adoption and focus on a non-judgmental, supportive method for both birth parents and adoptive families. The adoption California process is a journey of love for the natal and adoptive parents. Let us help you make that journey.">Open adoption is the adoption of child without a closed or private file. There will be a prearranged agreement with the birth mother or other family members to maintain a certain level of contact as the child grows. The amount of contact will be predetermined and agreed upon as part of the adoption process. It will differ for each family depending on what each family is comfortable with. This is often a fantastic arrangement for everybody involved as it gives the birth parents a chance alleviate concerns of the future of the child and gives the adoptive family a biological source for personal information on medical background and other matters that may arise as their child grows. Open adoption is an arrangement that has worked wonderfully for thousands of families. However, as with every agreement, there are possibilities of something not working out as planned. It helps to be prepared for the possibilities of obstacles along the way.

The Personality Conflict Any family of any type will have a few bumps to iron out. This is just as true with open adoptions. If you decide on personal visits you will be acquiring new additions to your own family. Welcome additions, but another group of people entirely. There is a chance that personality or belief conflicts may occur. This can be awkward or frustrating for both families involved. Counsellors and support groups can be provided or referred through your adoption agency. Do not hesitate to speak to these people about conflict issues you may encounter. This is more common then believed and there are ways for everybody to work together.

Vanishing Act People are not perfect. Many start out with the best intentions but not all will follow through. When an open adoption agreement is first compiled and signed, the birth family may have every intention of sticking with their regular visits but this may end up changing as time goes on. There will be those families out there that will start to skip or miss appointments. This may happen more and more until they eventually quit showing up all together. This can be frustrating for the adoptive parents who have put aside time for the birth family. It can also be disheartening for the children involved who may have been looking forward to the visit. If this unfortunate event does happen to your family, take time to explain age appropriate reasons to your child about the missed appointment. Do not use it as an opportunity to say negative things about the other family. Watch the child closely for hidden reactions; it’s important to know how they process their feelings regarding this. Do not hesitate to use external help if needed.

Bad Examples Sometimes birth parents give up their children for adoption because their own lifestyle makes it inappropriate for them to raise a child. In these cases, it will be very obvious and well noted as the adoption procedure takes place. There are many ways to be able to work with these situations but it will take cooperation from both families involved. Agree to meet in neutral locations, away from private homes. It may be necessary to refrain from the birth parents spending time alone with the child involved. The visitation rules placed will also depend on the severity of the situation. The adoptive family may develop strong feelings against the birth parents life choices and actions. Adoptive families will need to have a strong communication line with their child to properly explain the difference in actions and values in their home versus the birth family home.

Open adoption will have its pros and cons and it will take patience and plenty of communication. As with any family, there will be good days and bad days, however, the benefits of such an arrangement far outweigh the bad. Open adoption is a way to be able to welcome a new family member and gain some new friends along the way. Be prepared for anything to happen but also be prepared for the fantastic journey you will begin with a new child to call your own.

Looking to adopt a child? We are California’s leading center for open adoption and focus on a non-judgmental, supportive method for both birth parents and adoptive families. The adoption California process is a journey of love for the natal and adoptive parents. Let us help you make that journey.

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