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The foundation of what makes something humorous causes humor to be a challenge for those of us who are hard of hearing. Here is why. ELEMENT OF SURPRISE: Humor is based on the element of SURPRISE. Because the topic and content of the conversation are part of the many dynamics that enable us to comprehend speech, the surprise twists and turns in humor are often lost on us with hearing loss. FAST TALKING/DELIVERY: Another challenge with humor is that so many stand-up comics talk real fast. I appreciate the closed-captioning of the comedy specials, but more often than not the words fly off the screen before I even begin to read them. WAYS TO MINIMIZE THE AWKWARDNESS OF HUMOR: If it is YOU that has a hearing loss: If you miss the punch line you can save yourself a lot of embarrassment by not pretending you got it and laughing. Why? You'd be surprised how many "normal hearing" folks didn't hear that punch line either. If you are laughing, someone can tap you on the shoulder and ask you to tell them what was said. Then you have to fess up that you were faking it. Not a comfortable. I can't tell you how many times that have happened to me. If WITH SOMEONE who has a hearing loss: If someone cracks a joke, and you didn’t catch the punch line, but your hearing impaired friend or family member is laughing, PLEASE, PLEASE do not turnaround and ask them what was said. Many of us with hearing loss fake laughing just to fit in. To ask us to repeat what was said is asking us to confess we didn’t hear and are faking it. Excruciating uncomfortable. Ask someone else. If someone cracks a joke and your hearing impaired family or friend is NOT laughing, don’t make a big deal about it. What I have found is that if someone insists I hear and proceeds to explain what I missed to me, the flow of the group dynamics comes to a screeching halt. I just *abhor* that. All that attention focused on me, waiting for me to “get it” and then laugh. Even if what is explained is funny, I usually find it hard to laugh because I’m so uncomfortable with the fact the flow of the fun has been interrupted because of me. BE AWARE. BE SENSITIVE. BE RESPECTFUL Hearing loss comes with a host of challenges. Among those challenges is the awkwardness of not hearing, not wanting to bring attention to the fact we don't hear, yet still wanting to fit it. Humor, probably more than any other social setting, puts us in that uncomfortable place. If you have a loss, you might clarify with family and friends how you want the fact that you obviously didn't hear something handled. If with a family member or friend who has a hearing loss, ask how they would like to handle their hearing impairment in a social gathering or while watching a TV show. Do they want you to make sure they hear everything? Or would they rather stay incognito? For me, I choose the latter every time. If I want to know what was funny, I’ll ask. Otherwise, I’d rather be left alone. This request to not make me hear everything was, at first, very uncomfortable for my husband. He loves me and wants me to participate fully in everything. That is why he wrestled for three hours with Best Buy sales people to uncover what the mystery is getting the Netflix closed-captioning to work on a Blu-ray player. But through the years he has learned to not insist that I hear everything. On rare occasions, however, something is just TOO good to miss, and he knows I would really enjoy it. In those situations, he is right, and I am grateful he made that effort for me to “get it.” If during inquiry you receive a defensive response, don't press the issue. Allow them to handle not hearing in the way that is most comfortable for them. If you notice OTHERS pressing the issue with your hearing impaired family or friend, you may want to lovingly pull them aside and explain the kinder, gentler approach. For more tips on how to handle hearing loss in real life situations
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