Think that you’re the only one who’s wondering how to make sex better for you and your partner? Think again. Every year, there are thousands of people who – just like you – long to uncover a deeper level of intimate connection in their romantic relationships. |
If you’ve ever felt that enhancing your sexual fulfilment is an insurmountable challenge, you’re not alone. You may have invested in pricey sex toys, twisted your body into arduous positions or ventured outside the bedroom. You may even have lied to your partner, faking an orgasm or saying that it was “good for you, too”.
Does any of this describe you? Then it’s time to ask yourself a simple question: should the journey to satisfying sex really be this complicated? The short answer is: no. Luckily, taking control of your sensuality is easy... so easy, in fact, that the solution has been right in front of your nose this whole time. Let’s talk about how to make sex better with nothing but you, your partner and conscious communication.
The Metamorphic Massage
Imagine that you and your other half are in your living room, in a verdant park or in any other space that feels safe and comfortable to you both. You ask your partner to take a seat in front of you, and say that you’re about to give them the best massage of their life. Set a timer to 15 minutes, and tell your significant other that you’ll end the massage when the timer goes off. Got the scenario? Good! Here’s how to put it into practice.
Tune into Touch
Inform your companion that you will begin the massage by touching their shoulders. There’s no need to move – simply make sure that your hands are warm, and gently place and then rest them on their shoulders.
When the moment feels right, start moving your hands along your partner’s skin, slowly and tenderly tracing the shape of their shoulders, spine, neck and muscles. Be mindful of areas that feel tense.
Next, think about your partner. What do they like? How does the massage feel? Instead of assuming that you know the answers, ask them! Here are a few questions that’ll help make their experience more fulfilling:
- Do you prefer faster or slower strokes? - Would you like a lighter or a stronger touch? - Where do you like being touched most? - What does it feel like when I touch you like this? - Would you like me to massage your lower back?
Throughout the massage, remember to be mindful of your partner’s body. If you feel it relax beneath your hands, your strategy seems to be working. If it feels tense, check that your partner is comfortable with continuing the massage, and continue asking them what feels best. No matter what happens, the key is to direct all of your attention towards the massage and to keep communicating.
When 15 minutes are up, slowly withdraw your hands. Now, you’ll reflect together and both describe a sensation that was particularly memorable. Simply say: “There was a moment when...”, followed by a word picture of the warm, soft, tingling or tense feelings you experienced. By sharing your perceptions of the massage with your partner, they’ll recognise that you were present for each and every moment – both physically and emotionally. And isn’t that what conscious connection should be all about?
How to Make Sex Better through Communication in Touch
And there you have it: if you want to learn how to make sex better for you and your partner, all you have to do is to try this simple exercise. Whether you’re giving each other massages or are discovering the world of sex together, the key remains the same: linking conscious communication and conscious touch. By putting this basic principle into practice, you’ll be able to tune into each other’s bodies and experience pleasure like never before.
Juliette Karaman-van Schaardenburg is a director at TurnOn Britain and a qualified OneTaste coach and Orgasmic Meditation trainer. She works with both couples and singles, teaching them how to make sex better by tuning into their body and intuition.
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