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Are there people you know who make you cringe when you see them approach because they're going to tell you far more than you need or want to know? I think we all know someone (or a couple some ones) like that. But is there any possibility that you could be that person? Do you ever feel like people aren't listening to you? Have you noticed that some people avoid asking you questions or steer clear of you all together? Do you ever look back on a conversation and realize you gave away too much information? Yes? No? Maybe sometimes? Effectively communicating with others is not only about conveying the right information, but also not conveying too much information. Having a habit of dominating conversations can be damaging to your character, credibility and possibly your relationships. And chances are if you are a chatterbox with your family and friends, you're probably long-winded with complete strangers, too. Here are some tips to keep your conversations interesting to others: Think first. Sure, we all get excited when we have something great to share and feel as if we can discuss it nonstop for hours - Warning! Warning! If you recognize this feeling before a conversation, stop and think about what you want to convey. Stick to the important points or summarize. Skip the details. When you begin a new topic, summarize it and stick to only the most important elements. A good rule of thumb might be to keep your comment to less than 30 seconds (which is longer than you think!) and see how it is taken by the listener. Details should be saved for those who want to know them. Questions are good. One surefire way to know if someone is interested in what you are talking about is if they ask questions. If they want to know more, they will inquire and this is how a mutually appealing conversation develops. If they don't ask for more information, that might be a hint to let the topic drop. Allow interaction. If the other person tries to interject a comment, let them! Remember that a true conversation consists of more than one person sharing their thoughts and ideas. Allow time for the other person to speak and certainly do not interrupt them when they do. Gauge the pause. When the other person pauses and you think they are through speaking, wait a couple of beats to ensure they really are finished. In actuality, they may just be gathering thoughts for their next comment! Body language. If the person you're speaking to keeps turning away, resumes a task without keeping eye contact with you, sighs heavily, or otherwise looks bored out of their minds then you're probably talking too much. Eye rolls, foot tapping, mindless nodding, inappropriate uh-huhs, ignoring you, staring through you, and looking at their watch are all signs the listener isn't listening. Be kind and let them off the hook. Overall some people might think "talkers" to be self-centered, conceited, ignorant or lacking in social skills, but I disagree (most of the time). In my experience, talkers are excited about a subject and just want to share their knowledge or experience. Some may be looking for acceptance and wrongly feel they have to impress. Others have minds that are moving a mile a minute (dare I say attention deficit?) which often leads to getting side-tracked. And people like me are detail-oriented and have a tendency to share more information than is necessary. This doesn't make talkers bad people! On the contrary, I believe if we all step back and assess our own conversations, we might find ourselves falling into the chatterbox category sometimes. If you do, then now you should be more aware of it. Now you can harness your thoughts and engage in more fulfilling conversations more often. DO WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE? You may as long as you let me know and include this blurb with it: 7/31/09 (C) Kimberly J. McCloskey, Professional Virtual Assistant, in her attempt to help all people improve their personal and professional productivity, shares her insight through her newsletter "Productive Pointers". Request your subscription at kimberly.j.mccloskey @ gmail.com or http://kimberlymccloskey.wordpress.com Kimberly McCloskey, Virtual Assistant 2009.
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