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Even the most healthy, satisfying and rewarding relationship has stuff that gets on our nerves. As nobody is perfect, the way we are in relationship with our partner and what we put in our in-between (the space between the two partners that represents the relationship) is also less than perfect. This imperfection causes us frustration, angst, disillusionment, and pain. Our relating and our in-between is made up of behaviors, attitudes, values, habits, perspectives, wishes, expectations, etc. The more our behaviors are less than nurturing and supportive, our attitudes are negative, our values are misaligned, our habits are unhealthy and unproductive, are perspectives negate one another's, our wishes clash, and our expectations are intrusive, the more challenging the interactions, more vulnerable the relationship, and more tenuous our connection and satisfaction with our partner. It is imperative that we are mindful of what we bring to our interaction with our partner and what we put in our in-between! Even though we are not perfect, we can endeavor to become and bring to our relationship a better us. It is our responsibility to look good for our partner, be nurturing and giving, put our best self forward, keep our side of the street clean, own ourselves, share, process and negotiate perspectives, wishes, and expectations, invite our partner to create a joint vision and manifest our dreams. Partners have a tendency to worry about what and how much the other brings to the relationship. They are other focused and try to create a satisfying relationship by telling the other how to be and what to do. They then find their partner either becoming a hail-storm or a tortoise (hiding in their shell). They try to manage this by doing more of the same - controlling and manipulating their partner! Stop telling your partner how to be and what to do and start minding how you are being and what you are doing - you only have control over you. Take a peek at how you relate and what you put in your in-between and identify the stuff that is detrimental to you, your partner, your interactions and your connection. Anything you do or bring to an interaction and your in-between that raptures your connection has to go. It is time to spring clean your relationship! Happy Spring Cleaning from all of us at Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC!
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