In society the guy is always the bad guy. Being a divorce dad is tough. Even if you were not the cause of your marriage’s break up it always seems to end up being your fault. What’s worse is your kids refuse to see you because mommy said you’re an awful person. Resilience and a sincere approach is all that’s needed to stop wallowing in loneliness and get a life! |
What Moving On Means
Although dating and finding someone new is part of the moving on process, it should not be the a guy’s first priority. If the reason for the divorce is not third party on your side, then seeing someone new immediately right after the dissolution of your marriage not only reeks of desperation, but also creates another potentially problematic situation.
Moving on means being able to treat your ex in a civil manner, If she insists on being irrational and acting like a petty child then take the high road. Focus on the problem at hand like the kids. Avoid altercations about what could have been because there’s nothing you can do about it anymore. Make a clean break, start new with your ex try and be friend her.
Can You Become Friends With Your Ex?
Of course you can! Look at Demi Moore and Bruce Willis??? But Seriously … When the decision to separate is mutual or as long as there’s no cheating on either parties being friends with your ex wife again won’t be that hard. However if the reason for the break up was that you cheated on her, then she’d probably slam the door on you, and you know you deserve it. If that is the case, give her time to heal. Be nice, show or tell her that you know what you did was wrong, but don’t be too nice that she’ll think you want to get back together. How To Show Her That You Want To Be Friends
People don’t expect you to be chummy with your ex. being in a harmonious relationship with her is important when you have kids, because no matter what other people say divorced parents can still give their children a somewhat normal way of life.
The difficult part of trying to effect a reconciliation is that it can be misconstrued as wanting to be married again. The key to dispelling this misunderstanding is communication. Show your ex that you work better together as friends than as a couple. An acknowledgement of mistakes made on both your parts will definitely make things a whole lot easier. When presented with an obstacle particularly on the issue of finances and custody learn to compromise and take a deep breath when your tempers rise.
Just because you are divorced does not mean your not a family anymore. Petition the courts to order your ex to go to family therapy with you. During the program, be open, never show signs of irritation. A tension free environment always achieves more positive results. If extended family members are involved bring them to family court. If the boyfriend is one of the problem contributors make him come to the therapy session too. After all he has to recognize the scopes of his limitations.
A Few More Reminders
As you try to establish a sense of normality in your life as a family but separate individuals, you just might be able to find happiness. Focus on your children. Ask them what and how they feel, do this together with your ex.
If you and your ex are doing one of “your talks” make sure that you two are not in an intimate situation, keep the kids within earshot. Avoid romantic situations because you both might reminisce and get carried away. This will harm your progress.
Try and take to heart the reminders above. Drama is not healthy for the soul and for the heart. Think about it, did you like those lonely holidays alone in a hotel, your kids at your old house having fun?
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All in all the study asserts that divorce does affect children. The way the parents treat each other and the distance they have from their children does have a significant impact that could determine whether the child succeeds or not. It is difficult to make friends with an ex wife after all that’s been said and done, but it will be more difficult for you as a divorced dad when in the future you see your children suffer the consequences of your action.
As a divorced dad, it is your responsibility, to your self and your children to make the supreme sacrifice of making the first step of keeping close.
Copyright © Anne-Marie Ronsen
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