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I am aware that this may appear to be a rather obnoxious title. So first let me indicate my credentials. I met my wife at a Young Christian Workers party and married her exactly one year later on the day following Christmas Day, on Boxing (or St Stephen's) Day. That was fifty-three years ago and we are still together. Still having our periodic differences. But still committed and still loving each other. So I do feel that, without any sense of superiority, for many others have achieved the same, I do have grounds for reflecting on why some marriages succeed and others fail. The Underlying Subversion Of Marriage About 260 years ago capitalism, based on the newly emerging market system, was just beginning to develop. A philosopher of the time, Adam Smith, acutely observed in "The Wealth Of Nations", that the new system depended crucially on the selfishness of participating businessmen. It worked effectively only if each of them selfishly pursued his own interests irrespective of the needs or sufferings of others. Eventually it became clear that the characteristics of markets for products and services transfer themselves into the markets for the human labour which produces them, whether the labour is unskilled or highly skilled. But since better trained manpower earns more than less trained, competition also became part of the market for education and training. Which is why we always attach grades to such qualifications. Thus people came to spend a large proportion of their day in severe competition with one another i.e. in selfish pursuit of their own interests. Now, it is a basic feature of human psychology that, if a major part of one's life is spent acting in a particular way, that behaviour is almost impossible to "turn off" at the end of the day. Hence people are socialised into attitudes of selfishness. Such characteristics inevitably emerge also in marriage. Reinforcing Societal Changes In times when women were more subservient than today, and when divorce was socially difficult, these forces were largely contained. But over time women gained political freedom, far greater educational and, consequently, much expanded employment opportunities. All of which is to be applauded. They were then able more easily to assert their own preferences -- in marriage as elsewhere. And from the 1950's and ‘60’s the "Pill" removed the monthly fear of pregnancy and gave far greater sexual freedom. Consequently women also gained greater access to labour markets and, because of the "Pill", could keep jobs longer. But they found themselves subject to the same character-defining forces which increased the personal selfishness of men. The very same conditions for success which apply to men in the employment market also apply with the same degree of strictness to women. The consequences of all this for the decreasing longevity of marriage hardly need to be emphasised. All this is in no sense the” fault” of women. It is a consequence of the system in which we live. And it is mirrored in all economic system founded on market capitalism. The Contribution Of Decreasing Christian Influence In Western Economies Despite obvious advances in man's (in a generic sense) intellectual capabilities, he remains able to give prolonged attention to only a limited range of objectives. Sometimes the limit is one. Thus the increasing demands of employment as jobs become more complex and competitive inevitably restrict his capability to give sufficient attention other things in life, such as to marriage -- or to God! The vast increases in material well being, which have been such a long term feature of market capitalism, have not only fed the selfish desires of men but have also increased them. Thus the focus on materialism not only tends to demand the sacrifice of interpersonal relationships, as in marriage and family life, but also in the individual's relationship with God. Thus the will and desires of a loving God, which are always designed to enhance the long term benefit of man, are systematically relegated to the bottom of a pile of short term objectives which actually destroy the long term best interests of man. More Of The Same The system contributed even more. This is because the essence and viability of market capitalism is determined by profit. Early capitalists found their insatiable craving for profit was not being satisfied. They found two solutions. The first was to increase sales by reducing the useful life of their products. Secondly, and much more deviously, they developed an existing kind of selfishness expressed in terms of fashion and integrated that as part of the system. When a firm's profits could not be increased by inferiorising its output, the effective life of the product could always, easily and drastically, be reduced by advertising that it was now “unfashionable”. This became endemic to the system, especially as it was successfully transferred to consumers The psychological consequences of these policies were immense, not least for marriage due to Ø the (hidden) economic strains imposed on it and Ø engendered, if unperceived, attitudes of discontent with prolonged periods of possession. Moreover, these intensified the short termism of people's attitudes. "Live for today" is, in fact, neither Christian nor sensible nor conducive to the long term survival of marriage. Taken together, these factors, inseparable from the system, account in large measure for the decline of marriage as a permanent and attractive relationship and hence as an arrangement with longer term viability. Marriage, commitment, Christian, relationships, capitalism, education, competition, material, economic strains, societal changes
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Marriage, commitment, Christian, relationships, capitalism, education, competition, material, economic strains, societal changes,
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