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Since this is a major election year, I thought I’d open 2012 with a rant about politicians and “we the people” who aid-and-abet them in what they do so well. You’ll notice, during the introduction, I change verse form several times. That’s because I’m bizarre. I hear a wonderful (if oddball) syncopation in my head. Ah, you sweet-talking phony / You fool me with your words / Your brain is working overtime / Thinking up white collar crime You amoral schemer / So deceptive, but sincere / The truth is missing all the time / The speech just another line Do I believe it? / Do I believe it? / Hell no! Not me! / But your sycophants do Oh, you double-tongued talker / How smoothly you deceive / Knowing yet seeming not to mind / We’re taught our system is sublime And he says… You think that I’m your friend / I’ll be with you till the end / You’ll never be rid of me But this time it’s different / I can feel your pain / Can you groove to my haiku? And in our idiocy we reply… Well, pretty baby, I can dig what you’ve been saying / What you’ve been putting down makes my heart go around / It’s sweet music to my ears / But you know, my dear, I feel my heart’s been broken all the time / I just can’t stop thinking about the past / (It’s like a bad romance) / It hurts for a long, long time But you sweet talkin’ man / You move me with your jive / You make me feel so alive / When I see that look in your eye Do I believe it? / Do I believe it? / Hell yeah! I do! / Now it’s a new romance And so, Nixon moves us when he talks about his dog Checkers, Clinton give us a teary, hangdog look and sticks out his lower lip, and Gore kisses Tipper…and on and on. Yes sir, sports fans, we know better, but have allowed ourselves hoodwinked into believing our system is not corrupt—nor could it ever be—because we Americans are, well, special. (yeah, that’s it), and we cannot face the reality of the alternative. We’re like village-dwelling Polish Jews (when warned of the coming horror by escapees) who refused to believe. (“Whadda dey gonna do, kill all of us?”) Same song, different verse: Nothing bad can ever happen to us. So we go through life, head in the sand, assuming we’re completely immune to our insidious, infectious human condition. Our very nature is now, and has always been, self-interest before common good, especially among politicians. I am not cynical, but I do observe, think, and form opinions based on data unfiltered by some ideologue’s self-serving spin. How often do you have to listen to those vying for the Republican presidential nomination to understand you’re observing a parade of Clem Kadiddlehoppers? And they seem pretty bright when compared to John Kerry and his fellow Democrats several elections ago. But bottom line is that R’s and D’s are pretty much the same. Bullshit, bullshit, non-disclaimer / Put me in office if you want a fix / I’ll tell you what you want to hear / But I think you’re a bunch of hicks If that’s not bad enough, tune into MSNBC to watch and listen to Barney Frank, Nancy Pelosi, and Al Sharpton. Each is a blatherskite of immense proportions morphing inept, condescending, bumbling, villains we laugh at in movies. Actually, I’m not sure that the three of them aren’t really cartoons. Finally, there is our president (sigh), a man who swept into office said to be a great orator promising “hope and change” notwithstanding the fact that he had no executive experience, average grades, and was mentally and physically absent in the senate. Oh, and one of his most trusted advisers for decades was a white-hating preacher. The fact is that “hope and change” have digressed the past four years, and we’re told it’s STILL his predecessor’s fault. How convenient. Great orator? Excuse me! Have you ever heard him talk without a script or teleprompter? It’s downright embarrassing. He makes Bush sound glib. But silly me. I forget that we elect people because they are good-looking, talk swell (I got that word from a TCM black-and-white movie), and seem sincere. See, it doesn’t matter if they are sincere—oxymoron for a politician—but they must project the image. The amusing part of this charade is that we know it, but “what are you going to do, yada, yada…” Most of you have probably read enough by now to be uncomfortable enough to discontinue reading this rant. For those brave enough to continue I present a few examples of annoying, sleazebag maneuvers perpetrated by those in command-and-control of our lives. PANTS. That’s right, pants! The staff members of an athletic club I frequent are composed of young, fit, well-groomed men and women. They wear dark blue polo shirts, and khaki knee-length shorts. Recently it has been mandated that they must wear khaki slacks only. Those wearing shorts will be fired! Why? The facility is owned by the City, and some councilman decided he wanted it that way. When asked why, he replied, “Because I said so.” And that, my friends, is how those in office start the creeping loss of personal freedom. Just for that, I have resolved this year to no longer wear pants. For me it’s culottes, kilts, togas, and robes. An unexpected benefit is to feel a breeze blowing about the dangler. TRAFFIC TICKETS. What happened was that I had a few cocktails for dinner, and my wife (a non-drinker) decided she should drive. Now, guys, we know that most of us are better drivers with a few stiff drinks in us than our spouses are totally sober, right? However, being naturally lazy, I don’t mind being chauffeured about. She happens to strictly adhere to all traffic regulations so it was a bit surprising to me that a state trooper plastered himself to our rear bumper. Then I remembered—we have an out-of-state license plate, which marked us as a potential revenue source. Sure enough he pulled her over saying she ran a stop sign on a country road where you could see a mile in all directions. When she protested, he replied, “Well, you didn’t pause for two seconds before turning.” What??? The final insult was when he handed her a ticket and said, “I’m just doing this because I want you to be safe.” What total and unadulterated horse manure! (I got that phrase from my Dad.) It was really about the $145.00 to help him with his quota, except they don’t call them quotas. Their bosses refer to the money grab as the troopers’ “performance rating”. So watch out on the roads, folks. Ross Perot once said we have a government coming at us not being for us. I agree. OBAMA CARE. There’s a lot wrong and insidious with this legislative piece of crap. Here’s an aspect of which I’ll bet you haven’t heard: If you sell a home after this year (2012) there will be a 3.8% sales tax on the sale. See, this was hidden away in the bill but cleverly timed to take effect after the fall elections. Yessireebob, this is an example of the 2008 election slogan, “Change you can believe in”. Finally, to end on a positive note: COLLECTIVE BARGAINING. I have a friend who lives in Wisconsin who experienced first hand the violent and disgusting demonstrations when the governor stomped out collective bargaining for the teachers union. Some school districts went from a $400,000 deficit to a $1,500,000 surplus, and are hiring more teachers. Turned out the insurance company that provided “benefits” to the teachers was owned and operated by the union. By the way, the premiums were paid by the State, not the teachers. Since the insurance “business” was guaranteed and paid for by the State, the insurance company simply increased costs annually, passed it on to the State, and donated heavily to various politicians, and we know for whom most teachers vote, don’t we? Anyway, have a mellow and laidback New Year. Use what time you have left wisely, and don’t let the bastards get you down. If there is trouble in your family fix it. These days we need a lawyer, a physician, and a family to care about us. A wise man said, “Without a family, a man alone in the world trembles in the cold.” Cheers! Copyright 2012 by Gene Myers. Author of AFTER HOURS and SONGS FROM LATTYS GROVE available now in eBook form from Amazon Kindle.
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politicians, hope-and-change, change-we-can-believe-in, sleazebag maneuvers,
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