There’s an epidemic in this world and it’s as plain as day to us: A perception of dating and relationships that severely conflicts with reality. After over 25 years of empirical research with spirituality, personality and compatibility assessment, and as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, it’s our intent to share what we’ve learned to help you and your kids avoid, what are often, self-inflicted love life problems. |
You may not like, or even be irritated by some of these tips. Still, we encourage you to consider each one as you observe your own and others’ love life conditions. We want you to be aware of our findings even if they clash with your love life goals because the information can save you a lot of time and heartache.
1) Avoid long distance “relationships.” If you’ve met on-line but never in-person, it’s not a relationship. 90% of the time it’s a fantasy fueled by illusion that will pop like a soap bubble if you ever meet face-to-face. Date locally or agree to be just friends unless you can spend months together in the same city.
2) Don’t beat yourself up by assuming a relationship “failed” if it didn’t last a lifetime. Our findings show that all relationships are for different reasons and have destined beginnings and endings. Very few that start at a young age are meant to be life-long.
3) Life-long monogamy from a young age can work for some. For many others, they start out with good intentions, but based on the high rates of cheating and unhappiness within traditional relationships, they realize too late it isn’t an agreement they will be happy with for the rest of their life. As much as you may dislike the idea, it’s important to acknowledge that strict, life-long monogamy is unnatural and even emotionally unhealthy for many people. Forcing someone to adhere to such an agreement after they are no longer attracted to you is akin to slavery.
Therefore, before you assume that strict, life-long monogamy is best for you and your partner, consider your ages, relationship and sexual histories, and sex drives. Also, be brutally honest about your sexual compatibility and whether there is a chance you may be happier with an agreement to continually reassess your connection and the amount of freedom you give each other as your needs change over the next 50-80 years.
4) Don’t confuse sex with love. Sex is not love, and love is not sex, but love can be expressed through sex.
5) “Together forever” is a soothing thought. It would be nice to meet the ideal partner at a very young age and be happily involved for the rest of your life, but the reality is it’s very rare. Also, times have changed. Considering that in 60 years it may be common to live to the age of 100, is expecting a relationship to last 80 years and also be harmonious and beneficial for both partners as they change and progress or regress realistic? In light of this, you may want to focus more on enjoying the moment rather than making life-long plans with a “high school sweetheart” or even while you are still in your 20s.
6) Avoid searching for the ever-elusive “true love” or expecting every connection to live up to such expectations. The only authentic love is unconditional love, which is completely void of expectations and demands. You must first have a reasonable level of self-love and let go of emotional neediness in order to enjoy and benefit from unconditional love.
7) Be careful of excessive focus on romance. It’s great in moderation, but our findings firmly suggest that most relationships tend to be more for personal growth.
Download our FREE More Good Dates e-book! Included: The 77 Biggest On-line Dating Mistakes and much more!
Copyright © Stephen Petullo, Scott Petullo
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