Is your marriage or other close relationship in trouble? Seeing a professional counsellor could make all the difference. Working with a qualified third party can help you to put your problems in perspective and get through those rough patches all couples face. |
You may have a few other misconceptions about counselling that need to be dispelled.
• Counsellors Tell You What to Do - contrary to popular belief a counsellor will not listen to your lists of grievances and assign you homework to fix the problems. They will listen, this is true but their “job” is to lead you through the process of identifying the issues and coming up with your own solutions.
• Counselling is the Last Straw - unfortunately too many people do use counselling as a last option and many times it is simply too late to reverse the damage.
3 Tips to Save Your Relationship
While you are discussing the possibilities of counselling, there are a few ideas you can implement now to begin repairing your relationship.
1. Rules of Engagement - Many couples erroneously think the trick to repairing a relationship is avoiding arguments. This generally leads to two people who bite their tongue until every ounce of frustration they are feeling just boils over. Instead, you and your spouse should set down some rules of engagement and then feel free to vent your frustrations. Some fight rules to consider:
a) No name calling/ cursing - arguments escalate beyond the point of no return when parties result to personal attacks instead of dealing with the problem.
b) Yelling- it can be difficult to hold back, particularly if yelling is your go to defence, however when you realize how demeaning it is to the other person to be yelled at it helps. Walk away if tempers are flaring beyond control and come back when everyone is calmer.
2. Write it Down - You do not have wax eloquently to communicate via the written word. The big benefit to sharing your feelings through a note or letter is lack of interruption; the other person will have a really hard time cutting you off mid-sentence! Of course, you still must keep the previous tip in mind, no name-calling or personal attacks.
3. Touch - When you have been together for quite some time physical touch often falls by the wayside. Find a time to hold hands, sit close on the couch or cuddle before falling asleep. Humans are designed to be social and respond to physical touch. Gently stroking the back of your partners hand can reignite feelings long thought dead.
Relationship counselling can make a huge difference in your life. Once you begin, working with a qualified therapist that you and your spouse can connect with you will begin to see immediate changes. Of course, you do have to understand that even the best counsellor cannot do the work for you. Each of you must be committed to making changes and engaging in open dialogue.
John Donlon has worked since 1991 as a Psychotherapist & Counsellor. His experience also includes working for two national charities as a supervisor & trainer.
Visit: www.the-therapy-centre.org.uk for more information on couple relationship counselling with John.
Or call 07960 214 336 for a no obligation initial chat about your situation.
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