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I rarely write an article in which I single out a particular writer –until now. That said; today I read one of the most powerful accounts of a man who verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abused his wife for years. The alarming statistics report 39% of women who are married, and their common-law sisters suffer emotional abuse by their husband’s or partners. Of these, thirty-six to forty-three percent suffered emotional abuse as a child. Austin James, the author, of this emotional merry-go-round, writes, “In a very short period, I went from being an extremely emotionally abusive man; a man who had control and manipulation down to an art form. A man who was never wrong (well, except maybe in poker), a man who need not apologize for much of anything because in his sickness could always justify the truth (his truth). A man who thought he was the master communicator; and a man who believed he was intellectually superior to most other beings walking the planet…” James is a husband and a father and he has a big problem. However, he is not alone, on a BBC radio documentary on domestic abuse, to include, emotional maltreatment, BBC radio reported “20% of men and 30% of women have been abused by a spouse or other intimate partner.” If you think just because you are not being abused physically, you are not being abused –think again. Any attempt to frighten, isolate you from friends and relatives, and any attempt to control you is emotional abuse. James goes on to write in his book, “I changed to a man who is completely humbled as a man, husband and father. A man who knows his worth and accomplishments during his abusive years amount to chewed gum on hot asphalt. A man who accepts full responsibility for his actions of the past; a man who rarely has angry outburst or abusive tendencies; and a man who for the first time in his life gets what it means to be a biblical husband who lay his life down for his bride…” It is rare to see someone take responsibility for their actions, and reach out to others while they are healing. Austin did not save his marriage, but he reaches out to others like himself in hopes of helping others recognize the abuse in them and the abuse within their families. James is a broken man. He comes clean, admits his failings, seeks help, and reminds me of the lyrics from Jeff Bridges song “Somebody Else” from the movie and soundtrack “Crazy Hearts,” in which Bridges’ sings, “I use to be somebody, but now I am somebody else. Who I’ll be tomorrow is anybody’s guess. What was thought to be the right way turned out the wrong way after all. What I took to be the high road was only leading to a fall… Now that I’m a brand new man you belong to someone else…” Austin James is a repentant man. He not only went through Dr. Hegstrom’s program, but he said of Dr. Hegstrom, “He really gets into the psychology of our behaviors without getting to technical and over my head. Understanding the psychological reasons behind my behaviors allows me to internalize that I'm NOT defective in some way, as a person. That I can change once I reverse the patterns ingrained into my mind.” For a powerful look at emotional abuse from the prospective of the abuser, I invite you to read this heartfelt account of emotional abuse. Source: Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A Recovering Abuser Speaks Out, by Austin James. It is one of the most heartfelt, deeply moving stories I have read in a long time. With every turn of the page, the first words that came to my mind as I read his book were, “Insurmountable Courage.” For it had to have taken him raw courage to write about such an emotional journey. James’ honesty and candor are evident throughout. He paints powerful images of emotional/verbal abuse, and details the step-by-step recovery he went through, while offering a helping hand to others who suffer, or who are in pain and suffering as he and his family suffered. He apologizes for his part in the abuse throughout the book, yet offers tremendous help to the abuser and the abused alike. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BAKH56G or talk to the author: austin.f.james@gmail.com
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Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Self-Help, Marriage, Family, Psychology, Relationships, Recovery, Spousal Abuse, Yelling, Shouting, ,
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