Sometimes, for the elderly, the loss of full function, either mentally or physically, comes about slowly, and sometimes it occurs quickly and dramatically. Often, deterioration sets in when the spouse of an elderly couple dies. People fall all along the spectrum of how independent they are or how much care they need. It may be difficult to convince the elderly that they should have somebody helping them on either a live in or live out basis. If Alzheimer’s is involved, they are sometimes aggressive and abusive towards anybody who tries to interfere in their lives. If you are the one in charge of arranging care for your parents, it is best to start by calling an elder-care service or home-health care agency to find the right companion to suit your particular needs. As the owner of an elder care services I have often been told that the parent is absolutely opposed to having anyone come to their home and administer any care and assistance. In such circumstances I suggest that the parent be told that the nurses-aide is a friend with a lot of free time on his or her hands. The friend would welcome the opportunity to drive the parent to activities and doctor appointments and just keep them company. In this way you introduce the person as a friend who slowly spends more and more time with the elderly person, giving them an opportunity to get used to the new arrangement.. If the situation is such that the elderly person is not safe on his or her own, you must request a live in caretaker when you call the health-care agency. If the parent is reluctant, you can say that the arrangement is only temporary, until he or she is stronger and can manage on his /her own. Usually the parent comes to enjoy the company and help very quickly even though he / she was initially opposed to the idea. It is very important to let the agency for nurses-aides know what sort of personality would best suit your parent. Hiring the right person is of paramount importance. Give your folks some breathing space. Don't get them all rushed. Give them some time to adjust to the changes. Hiring some of the best domestic help can make a lot of difference and ease out the wrinkles in the process. When your parents or older loved ones are both living, and in their own home together, direct your attention to the less needy one. For instance, suggest that his/her spouse would be the one to benefit from outside assistance even when they both might. By allying yourself with the more independent parent, you may ultimately be able to get them both to accept the help they require. In this manner, you might have your parents accept help they would not have otherwise been agreeable to. Your hope is that they will see the value in having assistance and develop a trusting relationship with their caregiver. The expectant outcome is that they will become more open to the idea of allowing he/she to provide other types of assistance such as personal care when needed. Hire a care giver to manage some house old chores and not for the "hands-on care" or personal assistance. This would be seen as a more passive approach and a lesser invasion of space. You can stress on the fact that it will help in handling heavy household chores, such as vacuuming, bed linen changes, and possibly even yard work due to some declining physical limitations. Suggest help with food shopping, travel to Dr appointments and other routine tasks. This will make them more susceptible and open to hiring domestic help. Also, if you are the sole person looking after your parent or loved one, let them know that you need the help and it is not for their assistance. Emphasize on the fact that you would be the one that will benefit from it. Tell them that an housekeeper would take the stress out of managing the daily household chores, such as cleaning, shopping, meals, and laundry. Always remember to downplay the fact that they are the ones the help is for. Instead, stress on the fact that you are the one that requires additional help and assistance. Seek help and advice of a trusted professional or someone who your parents hold in high regard. You might be surprised with the ease in accepting the advice. It could be a elder or an authoritarian figure in the family who they listen to or a long time family physician, a former or current home health nurse, or a family friend in the medical field. You do the math. Eva is a research writer, contributor and founder with eurodomestics. With over 34 years of experience, Eurodomestics provides solution for all household needs, right from child-care to cleaning and helping family members who may have special needs.
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