He’s coming for ya / He’s gonna get ya / Attack of the wiener man / …Mm-m-Mm-M-M-M-M-M / (You can’t scream when your mouth is full) – From “Attack of the Wiener Man” by Here Come the Mummies. (BTW do yourself a favor; look up the Mummies site and give the song a listen. LMAO!) |
There was this guy, Anthony Weiner, from Brooklyn who married one of Hillary Clinton’s closest friends, Huma Abedin. Huma has been a personal aide to Hillary for years. Matter of fact, Bill Clinton officiated at Anthony’s and Huma’s interfaith wedding July 2010. Two of Weiner’s longtime buddies are comic news commentator, Jon Stewart and actor, Ben Affleck, yet I haven’t seen Stewart—the first guy to make fun of public figures, especially if they’re conservative—cracking jokes on CNN at Weiner’s expense. I mean, c’mon, it’s so easy! Talk about hanging curve balls just begging to be hit out of the park… Examples: 1) Instead of dropping out of the race for mayor of New York City, Weiner has vowed to stick-it-out (rim shot); 2) Weiner plans to stay in (rim shot); 3) Weiner gives new meaning to the term junk mail (rim shot); and 4) Weiner’s having a hard time (bar-rump-bump). I could go on-and-on, but to save you the pain of that experience I’ll pull out.
There are those who say Weiner should quit the NYC mayoral race, and resign from politics. I disagree. Where’s the empathy? The poor misunderstood guy is about as welcome as a shark at a swim meet among his fellow Democrats, including his campaign manager who flew the coop. Look at it this way: Weiner has exactly the type of sleazy background and resume prevalent of many of today’s politicians from either side of the aisle. Hell, bad behavior is practically a prerequisite for elected office. So he likes to send pictures, but was it his junk or his nose? It’s hard to tell. (If you could see my nose you’d say I’ve got some nerve. Hey, anything for a joke.) It’s not like someone was killed. He didn’t drive off a bridge with some twenty-two year old girl in his car. If (then senators) Joe Biden and Ted Kennedy could participate in a “waitress sandwich”, why can’t Weiner be honored for photographic art? Oh, and to top this comic opera, our elected officials wish to be referred to as “honorable”. What an oxymoron. But don’t you just have to love the irony?
I used to work on the west coast with Howard Weiner, also from Brooklyn, and I had the same question for him that I have for Anthony Weiner. Why do you pronounce your name ween-er instead of wine-er like the Germanic name suggests? (When there are two consecutive vowels, only the second is pronounced.) It seems there would be less opportunity for humor, but then again, where’s the fun in that? That said, Weiner's sexting alias of Carlos Danger is pretty cool.
But take heart, Anthony baby, what’s the worse thing that can happen? That’s right, you’ll have your very own television talk show on CNN like your friend the honorable (snicker) Eliot Spitzer or on MSNBC like the cartoonish Reverend (what a laugh) Al Sharpton. And the chicks dig a guy with his own show. If you don’t believe me check out Al’s new young squeeze.
Better yet you could drive Oscar Mayer’s Wienermobile. (That happens to be on my personal bucket list.)
I can hear the theme song now, “He’s coming for ya / He’s gonna get ya…”
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