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Great exams show acceptance through focused and dramatic listening; they also avoid parental postures, admonitions, or tones. When it's time to listen, leaders make it their only priority, committing to examine engagements only when they are sure there will be no distractions. A wise leader once said, "There are no individuals at work more important to your success than your associates … not your boss, not your customers, not your vendors."When a Loyalty Creator needs to bend your ear, pretend you just got a gift of five minutes with your greatest hero. Think about it. If you could have five minutes, and only five minutes, with Moses, Mozart, or Mother Teresa, would you let a call from your boss, your customer, or anyone eat up part of that precious time. Watch Larry King interview guests on his CNN show. His success as an interviewer lies not so much in asking tough questions as in his terrific listening skills. The goal of cracking Civil Services exam should be empathetic identification. Empathy is different from sympathy. The word sympathy is derived from the Greek word meaning "shared suffering." Relationship strength is not spawned by "Misery loves company." It is built, rather, through the kind of "I have been there as well" identification that defines empathy. Exams do not just to listen; they listen dramatically. That means they demonstrate through their words and actions that the words of Loyalty Creator spirits are valued and important. When people feel heard, they feel valued. Feeling valued, they are more likely to take risks and experiment, behaviors that are essential to stimulating creativity and innovation in organizations. Leveling the learning field and fostering acceptance lay the groundwork for the main event: giving learning gifts. Great exams give many gifts, including support, focus, courage, and affirmation. But none is more important than advice and feedback. Offering advice should start with some statement of intent. It might sound like this: "George, I wanted to talk with you about the fact that your last-quarter call rate was up, but your sales were down 20 percent." But it's essential that the statement also asks permission to give advice; as mentioned earlier, nothing can grate as much as uninvited, "You need to try it my way" suggestions. This might sound like, "I have a few ideas on how we can improve this if you think they'd be helpful." The goal is to communicate in a way that doesn't make Loyalty Creators feel small or incompetent. State your advice in the first person singular. Phrases like "you ought to" quickly raise listener hackles. Keeping your advice in the first person singular—"what I've sometimes found helpful" or "what's worked for me"—helps eliminate the "should" and removes Loyalty Creators from the defensive. While advice giving is about Civil Services exam enhancing existing skills or knowledge, feedback is more about filling a blind spot. As such, feedback can be more challenging to give Loyalty Creators, since it suggests a lack of skill or knowledge, which is often hard for people to acknowledge. Comments like, "I have difficulty with that myself" or "That challenged me too when I was in your position" help Loyalty Creators relate to you and open channels to receiving suggestions, rather than clogging them with defensive thoughts. State the rationale for your performance feedback, and then assume it is you who is receiving the critique. In other words, deliver it in the way you would be most likely to accept it without getting overly defensive or prickly. It's important for the feedback to be straightforward and honest; sugarcoating it or telling half-truths does neither exam nor protégé any favors. However, frankness isn't about cruelty—it's about ensuring the receiver doesn't walk away wondering, "What did he or she not tell me that I needed to hear?" or "That feedback was so vague I don't know where I stand or in what areas I need to improve." Be clear and specific.
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