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Please Don't Invite Me by Connie H. Deutsch I was trying to get an early start on sending out holiday cards so I was looking on the Internet for inspiration for something festive but different. Instead, I saw something different, but so far from festive, and so offensive, I had to write about it. It starts with the friend sending a note to Bridezilla: "I still have your candles." Bridezilla responds: "Yrs sucks but really will help us with bills." The friend goes on to explain: "What I have to give you won't help at all, unfortunately - lost my job right before the wedding, which was completely unexpected and now that school has started and I have spent so much money on books and tuition, I could throw up. Had I known, ever, that four parties were going to be held in your honor this year, I would have saved it all and given it to you in a lump sum instead." And Bridezilla sends a snarky note, "OK but it's still something instead of coming for free ya know." The friend is irritated but tries one more time: "I'll be by with the card later, if you're not home, I'll leave it with your mother." And Bridezilla responds with: "I'll be home. So I understand ur strapped for money should I not send an invite for the baby shower in November." I couldn't believe that someone would treat a good friend, or anyone else, for that matter, so offensively. I remember when family and friends gave toasters and towels as wedding gifts, no matter where the wedding was held or how much it cost. Some gave cash, but most people gave houshold items to start the newlyweds off on their wedded life. This woman finally hit the breaking point with Bridezilla and I can only say that she did it with such class that Bridezilla will probably be sucking lemons for many months to come. Here is the letter she wrote to Bridezilla. There was a penny taped to the top of her letter and she went on to write: (penny taped to top of letter) I did not realize that I was a price tag to you at your wedding. I also did not realize that by not giving you a cash gift, you would feel as though I attended your wedding "for free." I have known you for ten years now and I cannot believe that you would not just appreciate my sharing the biggest day of your life with you. I had actually managed to set cash aside for your gift but considering your tacky, hurtful and disgraceful comments earlier, I decided that this amount was more appropriate to give to you. I have always remained loyal to you and I cannot believe that all you can see when you look at me is a few more dollars. Here is an idea: if you cannot afford a wedding, then do not have one. If you cannot pay your bills by yourself, then do not bring a child in to this world, do not go on vacations and finally, do not dare make your friends/family feel financially responsible for your decisions/parties/extravagances. Even if I became a millionaire tomorrow, I would rather hop off a cliff than attend your baby shower but thank you for being so concerned for me that you gave me the option of uninviting myself due to my current financial situation. Never mind that I was the first one to find out about your pregnancy, never mind that I cried my eyes out when I saw your first sonogram and never mind that I've tried to remain a supportive, loving friend by keeping your secrets to myself. I did not predict that I would be laid off last month, nor did I predict that I would have to pay out of pocket for my schoolbooks and instead of being a supportive friend, you demanded more money out of me. I cannot believe that this is the person you truly are - a greedy, self-centered and cruel woman. How dare you treat people like this? What is wrong with you? I am enraged, disgusted, hurt and embarrassed by you; so much so that I dare not look at you. This is why I left this letter at your house instead. I do not want to hear from you again. This straw broke the camel's back. I wish you well and I hope that this serves as a learning experience for you -- you just lost a childhood friend because your eyes saw nothing but green. Take care of yourself. P.S. According to Celebrity wedding planner, Sharon Sacks, "Weddings are a wonderful time to share with family and friends. The expense and cost of the wedding is solely the responsibility of the bride, groom, and their families, and never the people who are attending. I think people give with their heart and do the best that they can. I would hope that any bride and groom would understand. There is no obligation of a guest to give a gift to a party to which they are invited, not even a wedding. Though not required, it is a very nice thing to do, but there is certainly no base guideline for what you should give AND finally, it's certainly outrageous to question the amount, let alone the gift. There is a disgusting trend emerging where people are not only passing judgment about the gifts they receive, but they are verbalizing it. It's classless and tacky." I thought the penny taped to the top of the friend's letter was priceless although I doubt Bridezilla got the significance of it. She probably went to her room, sulked, and called all their friends to complain about her former friend being such a cheapskate. If this is the latest trend, I don't want to be invited to any weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, anniversary parties or any other special occasions. I don't want to have to sit with my calculator to figure out the cost of my dinner so I'll know how much money to give. Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver. She is known throughout the world for helping clients find workable solutions to problems that are often complex and systemic in nature and part of a corporation's culture or an individual's pattern of behavior. Connie has hosted her own weekly radio show, been a weekly guest on a morning radio show, done guest spots on radio shows around the country, and appeared as a guest on a cable television show. Connie wrote a weekly newspaper Advice Column for sixteen years and has been invited to speak at local colleges and given lectures around the country. She also wrote the scripts for a weekly financial show on cable television. Connie is the author of the books, "Whispers of the Soul," "A Slice of Life," "From Where I'm Sitting," "View from the Sidelines," and "The Counseling Effect," and is the co-author of an eBook, "Getting Rich While the World Falls Apart" which is being offered as a free download on her website. She has also written and produced two CDs on Meditation and Relationships and has done coaching on customer service and employee relationships. Her website: http://www.conniehdeutsch.com/ See more of her articles by clicking here ConnieHDeutsch Articles
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