Amazines Free Article Archive
www.amazines.com - Tuesday, December 11, 2018
Read about the most recent changes and happenings at Amazines.com
Log into your account or register as a new author. Start submitting your articles right now!
Search our database for articles.
Subscribe to receive articles emailed straight to your email account. You may choose multiple categories.
View our newest articles submitted by our authors.
View our most top rated articles rated by our visitors.
* Please note that this is NOT the ARTICLE manager
Add a new EZINE, or manage your EZINE submission.
Add fresh, free web content to your site such as newest articles, web tools, and quotes with a single piece of code!
Home What's New? Submit/Manage Articles Latest Posts Top Rated Article Search
Google
Subscriptions Manage Ezines
CATEGORIES
 Article Archive
 Advertising (133272)
 Advice (160772)
 Affiliate Programs (34733)
 Art and Culture (73641)
 Automotive (145537)
 Blogs (75006)
 Boating (9841)
 Books (17129)
 Buddhism (4122)
 Business (1328032)
 Business News (426289)
 Business Opportunities (366242)
 Camping (10949)
 Career (72750)
 Christianity (15837)
 Collecting (11636)
 Communication (115049)
 Computers (241940)
 Construction (38970)
 Consumer (49644)
 Cooking (17058)
 Copywriting (6567)
 Crafts (18210)
 Cuisine (7535)
 Current Affairs (20373)
 Dating (45769)
 EBooks (19684)
 E-Commerce (48190)
 Education (185126)
 Electronics (83431)
 Email (6389)
 Entertainment (159786)
 Environment (28928)
 Ezine (3038)
 Ezine Publishing (5443)
 Ezine Sites (1552)
 Family & Parenting (110881)
 Fashion & Cosmetics (196378)
 Female Entrepreneurs (11840)
 Feng Shui (130)
 Finance & Investment (310216)
 Fitness (105816)
 Food & Beverages (62819)
 Free Web Resources (7936)
 Gambling (30211)
 Gardening (25064)
 Government (10517)
 Health (629039)
 Hinduism (2160)
 Hobbies (44026)
 Home Business (91542)
 Home Improvement (251225)
 Home Repair (46099)
 Humor (4805)
 Import - Export (5444)
 Insurance (45088)
 Interior Design (29541)
 International Property (3485)
 Internet (190953)
 Internet Marketing (146282)
 Investment (22822)
 Islam (1168)
 Judaism (1357)
 Law (80450)
 Link Popularity (4592)
 Manufacturing (20808)
 Marketing (98728)
 MLM (14136)
 Motivation (18211)
 Music (26997)
 New to the Internet (9475)
 Non-Profit Organizations (4048)
 Online Shopping (129604)
 Organizing (7797)
 Party Ideas (11854)
 Pets (38083)
 Poetry (2234)
 Press Release (12667)
 Public Speaking (5620)
 Publishing (7522)
 Quotes (2407)
 Real Estate (126602)
 Recreation & Leisure (95239)
 Relationships (87431)
 Research (16153)
 Sales (80293)
 Science & Technology (110125)
 Search Engines (23445)
 Self Improvement (153070)
 Seniors (6221)
 Sexuality (35935)
 Small Business (49277)
 Software (82919)
 Spiritual (23460)
 Sports (116459)
 Tax (7658)
 Telecommuting (34074)
 Travel & Tourism (306895)
 UK Property Investment (3117)
 Video Games (13420)
 Web Traffic (11723)
 Website Design (56783)
 Website Promotion (36556)
 World News (1000+)
 Writing (35758)
Author Spotlight
HEINZ RAINER

Thirty years Africa, Asia, Europe | Worked in Industry, Trade | preferred Nations : China, Thailand,...more
MILECIA MCG

Hey there. I've been programming in some way, shape, or form for the past decade. My background is i...more
ALEN OWEN

I am an essay writer with vast experience in data analysis, PowerPoint writing and research paper ed...more
ANISH SAH

My Name is Anish Sah, I am an Internet Marketing and SEO Expert, Social Media Guru and young Entrepr...more
MOBILE STYLES

Mobile Styles, the leading on-demand Beauty & Health app in the U.S. delivers talented professionals...more


Hand Puppets Are Evil by Gene Myers





Hand Puppets Are Evil by
Article Posted: 10/16/2013
Article Views: 1076
Articles Written: 183
Word Count: 1475
Article Votes: 4
AddThis Social Bookmark Button

Hand Puppets Are Evil


 
Family & Parenting,Humor,Marketing
See here’s my take: beware of hand puppets because they lie and get you into trouble. I know what you’re thinking: Myers has lost it; he’s finally gone over the wall. It’s time to haul him away to the funny farm, the loony bin, the crazy house. (There coming to take me away hee-hee, ha-ha, ho-ho…) However, I think after you’ve read my tale you’ll finally understand how puppet trauma negatively affected my young life, and contributed to my avant garde persona of today.

It all began when my younger brother, Jimmy, sent in five Kellogg’s Rice Krispies box tops and 50-cents. A week or two later a certain hand puppet arrived, and started to cause an inordinate amount of trouble at our house, which always seemed to rub off on me.

My two brothers, including kid brother, Tommy, and I always preferred Rice Krispies because of the noises the cereal made when milk was added. Madison Avenue scored big with that ad campaign. Also Rice Krispies didn’t get soggy as quickly as Wheaties and Corn Flakes. Anyway, we were watching the Howdy Doody Show when it was announced during a commercial that hand puppets of Snap, Crackle, and Pop would soon become available. The gnomic elves were originally created by Vernon Grant in the 1930s and have been pitchmen for Kellogg’s ever since. Buffalo Bob and Howdy Doody urged us to immediately pester our mothers about getting the latest offer on boxes now available in stores everywhere. Limited offer; get ‘em while they last!

Jimmy spoke up first and loudest. I knew which puppet he wanted because his favorite color was red, a preference that must have changed over the years since he later opted to play basketball for Michigan instead of Ohio State. I was not supportive of his choice of puppet. I thought Snap in his baker’s hat (or toque) would be the best choice since he was the oldest (like me) and reputed to be a problem solver. Crackle in his striped stocking cap would fit Jimmy better since Crackle was known as an unsure, middle child. That said there was nothing unsure about Jimmy. He was always in the middle of stirring up something, and curious to a fault. Pop was adorned in red and wore the military hat of a marching band leader. He was sometimes shown holding a flute or fife. Pop also had the malevolent grin of a mischievous youngster. When that imp entered our home, I was changed forever—and not for the better.

You think it was my imagination? Well, dig this: I know I am not the only one who has been vexed by a hand puppet. About a year ago I heard a song by Heywood Banks called, “Never Trust a Puppet”. He said they pretend to be your friend, but they lie to you. Once when an aunt used his puppet for an oven mitt it chased him around the house yelling, “I burned my tongue! I burned my tongue!”

Pop seemed to be well behaved with my brothers, but constantly encouraged me to engage in conduct I thought was questionable to say the least. For instance, swear words were not permitted in our home not even “damn” and “hell”. Of course the big no-nos were the f-bomb and taking the Lord’s name in vain. All of us kids knew use of those two words would result in the electric chair and an eventual one-way trip to Hell. Pop advised me words that sounded like swear words, but weren’t, were funny and people would think I was a really clever boy. Also he said there was nothing wrong with ass, which is a donkey, and bitch, which is a female dog. Further he wondered why words like shit and turds were bad while manure and excrement were acceptable. I admit I had to agree.

One day Pop and I walked into the kitchen after my Dad returned from work. He sat reading a newspaper while Mom was cutting up some vegetables in the sink. Pop suddenly yelled out, “Geez Cripes! Got dandruff! Some of it itches!” I received a spanking from Dad; my mouth washed out with soap (Camay) by Mom, and sent to my room. My crying was not the remorseful kind; it was pure anger for being punished for something I didn’t do! Couldn’t they tell Pop’s high-pitched falsetto voice from mine? Besides there were no swear words, which was what I (loudly) told them. They didn’t believe me saying it sure sounded like swearing. They didn’t seem to understand that was the funny part.

Another afternoon Pop and I were playing with an electric train set, which we had to do when Dad wasn’t home. Otherwise he gleefully took over while my brothers and I sullenly watched. Over my fervent objections, Pop insisted on being in command of the transformer, which controlled speed of the engine. He kept running the train off the track laughing manically as he did so. Mom told me to either play nicely or go to my room. I told her Pop was the cause of the crack-ups, but she refused to believe me. All went well until we unhooked the freight cars and replaced them with passenger cars and pulled the train up to the miniature station.

Pop said much too loudly, “All right you lazy sons-a-bitches. Get your fat asses loaded up. We have a schedule to keep. And don’t step in any dog turds.”

I got my mouth washed out again—how unfair is that?—and sent to my room. After an hour Mom asked me if I could play nice and made me apologize for what she called rough language. I agreed. Pop snickered. Boy was I angry with him.

I sat down with the train, and Pop announced, “Ladies and gentlemen I apologize for the one hour delay. If you dipsticks have a problem with it, take it up with the grouchy old biddy in the kitchen.” I won’t describe what happened when my father got home.

The final straw was Pop saying inappropriate things when my parents were entertaining. There are a few examples I still remember as follows:

A large; rotund gentleman with whom my Dad worked or was a Masonic chum were discussing the need for speed among the Cleveland Browns receiving corps. Pop was on my right hand when I was called over to meet the man. Inexplicably Pop blurted out, “Looks like you’re pretty fast yourself—at eating pie.” Then Pop poked the man in the stomach and made a sound like air being let out of a balloon.

Mom had some kind of card party for eight ladies. I think it was bridge, but it could have been pinochle or canasta. Both were fads at the time. One of the ladies was a nose-in-the-air, well-to-do matron who liked to lord it over everyone else. Her name was Leticia, rhymes with Patricia. Pop said, “Nice to meet you Le-titty-ah.” Needless to say, Mom was embarrassed, but I think in denial about what she heard; thought it was an innocent mispronunciation. Sometime later I recalled a conversation I heard between two older men as I left Ora Richard’s barbershop. They said a man should never waste a boner. I had no idea what that meant. In the middle of a card game Pop loudly asked all in attendance, “What’s a boner?”

I was sent to an adjacent room to keep (I suppose) Pop out of the way. Pop kept sneezing repeatedly and loudly, which sounded a lot like, “Ah, shit!”

Just before the arrival of the card party ladies, I found a gelatin fruit salad in the refrigerator that was intended to be part of the refreshments. Pop told me if I picked all the cut-up apples out of the top and ate them no one would notice. I did. Mom noticed and was mad as a hornet because she couldn’t serve it. I never owned up to doing the deed because I knew she wouldn’t believe that Pop caused the whole thing. When Dad got home, both my brothers and I were punished.

Later that night while we were fast asleep, mysteriously Pop the hand puppet ran away.

And I never saw him again.

Copyright by Gene Myers, author of AFTER HOURS: ADVENTURES OF AN INTERNATIONAL BUSINESSMAN (2009), Strategic Publishing Group, New York, NY – a hilarious account of the author’s overseas travels; and SONGS FROM LATTYS GROVE (2010), PublishAmerica, Fredericksburg, MD - a mildly sinister, but amusing work of fiction. Both are available from Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and available in Amazon Kindle and Nook formats. Watch for SALT HIS TAIL, a catch-me-if-you can crime thriller.

Related Articles - Kellogg's Rice Krispies, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, swear words, punishment,

Email this Article to a Friend!

Receive Articles like this one direct to your email box!
Subscribe for free today!

 Rate This Article  
Completely useless, should be removed from directory.
Minimal useful information.
Decent and informative.
Great article, very informative and helpful.
A 'Must Read'.

 

Do you Agree or Disagree? Have a Comment? POST IT!

 Reader Opinions 
Submit your comments and they will be posted here.
Make this comment or to the Author only:
Name:
Email:
*Your email will NOT be posted. This is for administrative purposes only.
Comments: *Your Comments WILL be posted to the AUTHOR ONLY if you select PRIVATE and to this PUBLIC PAGE if you select PUBLIC, so write accordingly.
 
Please enter the code in the image:



 Author Login 
LOGIN
Register for Author Account

 

Advertiser Login

 

ADVERTISE HERE NOW!
   Limited Time $60 Offer!
   90  Days-1.5 Million Views  

 

Great Paranormal Romance

World News


STEPHEN BYE

Steve Bye is currently a fiction writer, who published his first novel, ‘Looking Forward Through The...more
GENE MYERS

Author of four books and two screenplays; frequent magazine contributor. I have four other books "in...more
LAURA JEEVES

At LeadGenerators, we specialise in content-led Online Marketing Strategies for our clients in the t...more
SUSAN FRIESEN

Susan Friesen, founder of the award-winning web development and digital marketing firm eVision Media...more
NANETTE VICTORIA

Nanette Victoria Spiritual Coach and Intuitive Guide (over 27 years experience) Spiritual Ministe...more
MICHAEL BRESCIANI

Rev Bresciani is the author of two Christian books. One book is an important and concisely written b...more
JAVIER VBOIX

For the time being just a newbie in the Insurance Industry but a quick learner, soon-to-be expert Ja...more
SANDY FISCHEL

Sandy Fischel is the marketing director at And Above All YOGA, a wholly owned division of The Fische...more
CHRISTOPHER EVANS

Christopher is based in the U.K. and is the author and founder of Critical Eye. ...more
STEVERT MCKENZIE

Stevert Mckenzie, Travel Enthusiast. ...more

HomeLinksAbout UsContact UsTerms of UsePrivacy PolicyFAQResources
Copyright © 2018, All rights reserved.
Some pages may contain portions of text relating to certain topics obtained from wikipedia.org under the GNU FDL license