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Last week I attended my family reunion and during my down time I had a chance to watch the tv show called “Iyanla: Fix My Life” on the OWN Network. A married couple was on the brink of divorce because the wife was a control freak. She was verbally abusive, spoke to her husband in a commanding tone and she was pushing him away. The husband was the breadwinner in the family until one day he lost his job. The wife decided to get a job to support the family. However, when she began to work and bring money in something switched in her. The wife grew up with a single mom who took care of everything. She was a provider and she turned into superwoman. Because she was superwoman, she felt like she could not depend on her husband for anything. I’ve seen this same type of situation with a lot of my clients. They’ve watched their moms be independent, have dealt with men who’ve let them down, and had fathers who were filled with broken promises. When you deal with this type of situation it causes you to be so independent that you don’t know how to ask for help. You find yourself stressed out, overworked, and you think everything will be better if you do it yourself. Also, when you get into a relationship you don’t know how to let a man lead or offer support in his own way. If you’re serious about having a successful love life then you’re going to have to make some changes. 1. Learn to work as a team. When you’re in a relationship there is no I in we. 2. Ask for help when you need it. 3. Forgive the men who’ve let you down. 4. Forgive yourself for causing yourself stress, pain, and frustration.
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