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The Mirror RearView; Report # 1 by Stephen Bye

The Mirror RearView; Report # 1 by
Article Posted: 08/20/2018
Article Views: 1326
Articles Written: 26
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The Mirror RearView; Report # 1

Welcome to my first blog. In this fictional presentation, I take the role of a reporter for the Mirror Rearview, a news service that covers the satirical events in Laicos County, an imaginary municipality in the United States. This blog will be updated at least twice per month.

Special Report: Stephen P. Bye, correspondent for the Mirror Rearview.

(August 16, 2018) This reporter has learned that the Laicos County Commissioners have held secret meetings over the past six months regarding the operation of the three municipal golf courses. A subcommittee, headed by County Executive Alice N. Wonderland, confirmed that the ten-year old contract with Golf Really Incredible Management, also known as GRIM, was terminated, due to the violation of a clause in the agreement. Wonderland also confirmed that a new county position of County Golf Manager has been approved by the Commission.

GRIM, has consistently been ranked in the top three golf course operators in the U.S. by Club News Today. In addition, two of the Laicos County Courses, Hammer Valley Club and Sausage Creek Links, have been listed in the best municipal golf operations in the country, based upon quality of service and the high level of maintenance of the golf courses.

Ms. Wonderland would not comment on the reason for the contract termination, although a spokesperson for GRIM stated that the cause was due to problems with the food service and restroom maintenance. “Several people have complained about flu like symptoms after eating bratwurst and beans. The restroom problem was apparently related to the thickness of toilet paper supplied. The termination was grim news, as we were not given a warning or notice to cure the violation in the contract.”

Off the record, James "Jim" Nasticks, a long term commissioner, told me that Ms. Wonderland’s independent research had confirmed that GRIM’s annual management fees and revenue sharing levels with the County were out of line with other public golf operations, even though Laicos County has consistently netted over five hundred thousand dollars annually under GRIM’s contract.

Ms. Wonderland confirmed that Lester “Duff” Hacker has been hired as the new County Golf Manager, under a twenty year contract with an annual salary of two hundred thousand dollars plus an incentive of one percent on all golf course gross revenues. Hacker will immediately leave his County position as a senior manager in the waste disposal department. Ms. Wonderland and the subcommittee members were overwhelmed with Hacker’s unique recommendations for new golf operations.

Mr. Hacker admitted that he has never played a round of golf, but boasted about his fresh ideas for the County golf courses, which include free golf for kids under twelve and senior citizens over sixty years of age with available tee times during prime hours; the elimination of advertising in the clubhouse, benches, and tee markers; convert sand traps to grass bunkers, enlarge the cups by three inches in diameter and encourage players to bring comfort animals on the golf course. Hacker also wants to build two comfort rooms in the men’s and women’s locker rooms, so golfers have a quiet place to reflect after a poor round. The rooms will have a state of the art sound system with headphones for golfers to listen to soothing music and hot lines will be installed to connect with one of three local psychologists. Hacker plans to replace unhealthy food items such as hot dogs, bratwursts, hamburgers, onion rings, chips and nachos with an organic menu of locally grown products. Finally, restroom attendants will be hired to maintain the highest of sanitary standards and toilet paper quality will be enhanced with lotion and wax with four plies of very finely pulped paper.

I will report frequently on the transition of the Laicos County municipal golf operations.

Stephen P. Bye; Author, “Looking Forward Through The Rear View Mirror”>A summer golf caddie job that changes a life

Related Articles - Golf; Satire, Humor, Politics,

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