 Bieber-wise, meanwhile, Lost in Showbiz was deliciously comforted by a report on Justin's father's knee surgery this week, that contained the phrase "38-year-old Jeremy Bieber". That moment when you discover you're a year older than Justin Bieber's dad is so precious, with the generational water between this column and the One Time idol now so vastly clear and blue that you could reroute 87% of the world's maritime traffic through it, and still have room for an aquacade. Just as emotional – yet for all the wrong reasons – was the tragically short life cycle of Justin's new moustache, with the week's most pressing question bar none being: did the world truly only know it for three days? Piecing together the strip of fluff's history, the first recorded sighting seems to have been at the Y-3 show at New York fashion week last weekend, while its passing was recorded on Monday night in photos taken in the same city. Truly, the moustache god takes the best ones early. Having said all that, this wisp of facial hair touched so very many lives in its brief existence, and achieved so very much – from an MTV competition to name it to the Washington Post seeking comment on it from an entity that goes by the name of the American Mustache Institute. "It has long been the position of the AMI that there is no such thing as a bad mustache," this ran, "only bad people who neither own nor operate a mustache. We wish Mister Bieber the best on his journey into manhood, and hope this mustache attempt is as permanent as his 49 tattoos." And yet, of course it wasn't – like so many fledgling follicular follies before it, the fluff was scythed down before it could reach what would surely have been an epoch-defining prime, and would have seen Bieber's moustache create its own fragrances and fashion lines, or perhaps engineer a peaceful exit strategy for Bashar al-Assad via a series of diplomatic summits with its opposite number on the Syrian president's upper lip. Clearly, we can't just leave things as they are. The move to get the moustache its own retrospective at one of the major New York museums begins here. Should any of them be looking for the sort of wizened elder required to pull the global significance of its work together for them – assuming they could afford the insurance on hiring a 39-year-old – then this column would be only too glad to consult. vintage homecoming dresses black homecoming dresses
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