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UNDERSTANDING THE MIND'S GAMES It's only now I fully understand the power of controlling my mind. When going through my divorce I relied on my mind for survival, it was my only friend. It knew all of my secrets, the times I cried when life was so difficult, moments in hiding when heart ache literally wracked my body. Even as I curled in a fetal position on the floor wollowing from loneliness, wondering when the devastating affects of divorce would cease, my mind would still be working away, making me over-think scenarios, bringing back past conversations, enhancing outcomes with men I'd fleetingly met. “If only I'd said this, or done that then we'd be together. “He's the one”, even when you have nothing in common. Learning to control my own mind is one of the most difficult things I have achieved. I don't say that lightly because it took years to discover how the mind truly worked. Some would argue the mind is the most powerful part of the human body, and I happen to agree with them. My mind is not only my best friend, it's my own worst enemy. I rely on my mind to come to the aid of my body, to heal it when all else fails, but then it turns, coming at me from out of nowhere, dominating my thoughts with incessant chatter. THE MIND DISGUISING PAIN When dealing with divorce or a broken relationship, the mind is capable of disguising past pains by telling us it wasn't really as bad as we thought. I don't know how many times I have enhanced my own outcome by way of extending that 'fantastic' 15 minute account of an occasion into a life time of pleasure. Countless times I have clung to a momentous occasion by letting my mind run with it because it brought me insurmountable, if not unrealistic thoughts of happiness, when in reality all it was doing was disguising the fact my life was in turmoil. I remember all too often desperately clinging to how my life could be great with a particular man I had only just met, because that 15 minute memory was extended by the mind into a life time of fulfillment with only a joyous future. THE MIND JUSTIFYING BEHAVIORS Throughout a couple's divorce or separation, how often have you heard individuals excuse their reaction because the mind justifies to them their irrational behavior. “I did this to him because he did this to me.” The mind will argue the point telling you it's ok, turning reality into a masked event, assuming a falseness about what really happened, then in an instant revoke the scenario, predicting the future, telling you being together is the only answer. WAYS TO CONTROL YOUR MIND Now I let my mind in but at the times of my choosing. It still is my best friend, but I understand how to control it, accepting when it needs to be brought back to reality. I cannot say I never fall back into the games it plays, because I do, but now I recognize when I need to remind myself my mind is overworking, bringing theatrical thoughts into the happiness I've strived so hard to achieve. If I may, I would like to share ways I use to help me control my mind, ways I still use today on a regular basis. Try understanding when the mind is taking over. Acknowledge when you are over thinking, when irrationally has crept in with words whirling through your head, because it is at this time it's not you, it is your mind seizing control over your thoughts. Even after many years of practice I have to consciously recognize when the chatter will not stop, the scenarios are not real and I am relying on 'what if's'. It may be half a day before I realize, but at this moment I know it's time to stop and reset, bring myself back into reality. As scary as it is, it is empowering to do. Letting go of the chatter enables you to control your life, permitting you to move past the what was. Take yourself away from the moment and listen to music. On occasion I take a picnic to the park, sit at the beach or just be still, rejoicing in how far I've come and how much effort I've put into improving my life. Appreciate who you are, try not to focusing on what still needs to be done because things may not happen the way you think. Distract yourself by buying yourself something beautiful. Take yourself to the hairdressers for a new identity, have a massage, or for me it was and still is buying lingerie. I then close my house to the world, turn off the lights, put music on and reset myself in my own company without the world watching. Remove yourself from what has caused these thoughts to resurface. Read a book, go for a walk, sit for a coffee. Forgive yourself for once more falling into the trap of the mind's games. Take small simple steps because they are biggest achievements Above all.....It is not selfish to be good to yourself. You will Survive. You will Thrive. Suzanne Beck surviving life after divorce encouraging men's fashion style formal wear made easy
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