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The 10 Commandments of Confrontation (Taken from “Developing The Leader Within You” by John C. Maxwell) Here are some great team building ideas to help you and your team grow. Behold, the ten commandments for those awkward, sometimes scary confrontational meetings that are needed; yet so many leaders lack the tools of how to handle them well. 1) Do it privately There is nothing more embarrassing to a team member than making their errors known in front of the whole team. You are setting your team up to fail if you do this. You build trust and respect by pulling them aside privately and speaking to them about the issue. 2) Do it as soon as possible Don’t allow problems to fester. When somebody commits an offence, the quicker you confront, the fewer problems you will have. By holding back on confrontation, you are actually communicating that you don’t care for the team and the offender by doing nothing. People actually want to know where they made mistakes? Why? So they know where to improve. 3) Speak to one issue at a time Don’t overload the team member with all of the things that they did wrong. They will not respect you because they will feel you are totally against them. Speak to one issue, sort it out, and then when it is sorted, move on to the next one. 4) Once you have made a point, don’t keep repeating it This may be hard to do when you really want the person who has offended you to know how severe the issue was and how it affected you or the team. Avoid doing this though, it can seem to team members that you are treating them like juveniles. 5) Deal only with the actions the person can change There are some things that happen that the person is unable to change. Be aware of this. If you ask the person to do something he or she is not able to do, frustration will build in your relationship 6) Avoid sarcasm Sarcasm can be so easy to revert to, because it is what we are so used to. But if you want your team to trust you, avoid sarcastic comments. Sarcasm shows people that you are angry with them personally, not their actions. This will cause team members to have resentment towards you. 7) Avoid words like "always" and "never" Saying things like “You always do this. You never take responsibility for this” etc. most of the time detract form accuracy of the truth and this will cause people to feel defensive. 8) Present criticism as suggestions or questions if possible A good way to take the sting out of your confrontation is by channeling your criticisms as suggestions or questions. If somebody had a massive blow up in your staff meeting for instance, try asking them about how they think they could have done a better job at expressing their emotions? 9) Don’t apologize for the confrontational meeting Be sure and assertive. You don’t have to be aggressive when you confront someone, this approach actually doesn’t work well. But don’t be passive either and apologize for the confrontation. By doing this, you are detracting from the power of the confrontation and it could show you aren’t certain that you had the right to say what you said. 10) Use the sandwich method: Compliment – Confrontation – Compliment Remember to tell the person something they are doing well. Don’t make things up either, be very intentional about complimenting them, then confront them about the issue at hand, and then compliment them again. Remember, people need to hear 10 good things about themselves for every negative thing said about them. For more team building ideas and resources, visit my website: Team Building Ideas HQ
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