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Airplane Toilet Challenges (Part III) After a long delay due to turbulence, a trip to the toilet in the rear of the plane can also be an adventure. After the seatbelt sign goes off, here’s what to do: 1) Act cool and roll your eyes when twenty people immediately rise and jostle for position in the toilet queue line. 2) Nonchalantly make your way back to the toilet twenty minutes later when the line subsides. 3) Curse at the clueless passengers who attempt to return to their seat and block your way to the toilet when they could simply duck into a vacant aisle seat. 4) Avoid touching the clueless passenger’s torso or dancing cheek to cheek with their buttocks. 5) Failing to pass the clueless passenger without body contact, apologize to the irritated passenger seated near the toilet after bumping them and interrupting their movie. 6) Glare at more clueless passengers who back up in the aisle, when the open galley is open to wait there. 7) Lecture the flight attendant to paint numbered footprints on the carpet for passengers to line up waiting for the toilets. Before entering the toilet compartment, please take the following precautions: 1) Put on a pair of rubber gloves. If unavailable, pull down sleeves of shirt or coat over hands to avoid any skin contact. 2) Never look directly at the prior user’s face. 3) After entering the compartment, double check to be sure that the lock is completely secure, making certain that the light comes. This will ensure avoidance of an embarrassing encounter with the next toilet user. 4) Wipe any urine collected on the seat with a paper towel. Otherwise, the next user will assume you were the culprit. 5) If you need to be seated on the toilet, try to rip one of those clumsy paper seat cover from the dispenser. After struggling to secure the cover properly, wipe the toilet seat three times before sitting and tightly grip the walls in case of turbulence. 6) Before flushing, take a deep breath, put a handkerchief or shirt sleeve over your mouth, and close the toilet lid. 7) Flip the toilet flusher once. 8) Pray there’s soap in the soap container. 9) Attempt to hold the water spigot open while washing hands repeatedly. 10) Pray that you can locate the napkin holder. 11) Pray there's a supply of napkins remaining. 12) Wipe hands on napkins or if none are available, wipe hands on your clothes. 13) Use napkin to unlock the latch and release the door handle. If no napkin is available, use handkerchief or piece of clothing. After exiting the toilet, take the following steps: 1) Gasp for breath. 2) Breathe freely. 3) Do not make eye contact with the next toilet user. 4) Check your shoes, making certain that no toilet paper has attached to them. 5) As you make your way up the aisle to your seat, do not become another clueless passenger. Looking Forward Through The Rearview Mirror
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Humor, airplane travel, airplane toilets, satire,
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