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The definition of an affair gets a little murky when you start to tread into the territory of emotional affairs. Some people believe that they count as cheating, while others say that they don’t because there is no physical activity taking place. Either way, if you’re hiding something from your spouse and getting too close to someone else of the opposite sex, then you likely know that you’re doing something wrong. Emotional affairs are very real and they can do tremendous damage to a marriage. Here I’m going to share 4 steps to help put your marriage back on track after one spouse has had an emotional affair. First, stop seeing the third person. If you or your spouse is having an emotional affair, you’ve simply got to cut that third person out if you want your marriage to survive. The best way to do this is to simply go cold turkey. If you need to talk to this third person and say that you need to spend more time working on improving your marriage, but you need to pull away from them to focus on your primary relationship. Second, stop looking for connection outside of your marriage. There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender, but if you notice yourself or your spouse starting to develop a deeper emotional connection with a “friend” than with each other, this is where the trouble starts. As soon as you start bringing more of yourself to a third person than you do to your spouse, you start to undermine the connection between you and your spouse. Over time, this emotional rift will only grow larger and larger until your marriage just becomes a cold relationship. Third, focus on verbal and non-verbal communication. There are really two types of communication, verbal and non-verbal. We tend to focus most of our energy on the verbal communication--that is what we say and the content of our words. However, the majority of what you actually communicate is done through non-verbal communication. This includes how we say things, our body language, and other subtle cues. Work on improving both of these to improve your marriage. Instead of telling your spouse that you love them, show them. Here is a small experiment. Agree to spend an entire day together with your spouse. For the entire day do not use any sort of verbal communication whatsoever. Practice saying “I love you” in non-verbal ways and find alternative methods to expressing affection. Forth, give it time. Remember that it takes time for communication to deteriorate to the point where one spouse starts to look for connection with a third person, so don’t expect to turn things around instantly. Practice communication over time and it will improve, just like any other skill. Commit to working through this and improving your communication with your spouse. At times, it may feel awkward (especially when doing the exercise described above), but just like building a muscle, it will get better with repeated practice and dedication. If you'd like to learn more powerful tips for dealing with emotional affairs, I suggest you check out Save My Marriage Today for great advice on bringing the love back into your marriage.
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emotional affair, emotional affairs, emotional cheating, emotional infidelity,
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