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WHAT CONSTITUTES A HEALTHY SEX LIFE? by Annabel Star
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WHAT CONSTITUTES A HEALTHY SEX LIFE? |
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Sexuality
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WHAT CONSTITUTES A HEALTHY SEX LIFE? There are three main elements to having a healthy sex life and it isn’t all about adult toys: Balancing Having a balance of ingredients in your sex life is important for a healthy sex life. This means not having excess sex (sex addict) or too little (lonely). Also, there needs to be a mix of flavors in the loving. There is research from the Kinsey Institute in America suggesting that we have a Dual Control of our sexuality. We all have a brake pedal and an accelerator. The way we have love with someone else is a combination of how much we use the brake or the accelerator. Too much of either will either make us crash or never leave the garage. So, when you’re in bed with your partner explore what happens if you touch down on either pedal. Shame and overcoming it! This is particularly important when thinking about adult toys. One of the greatest obstacles to people having fulfilling sex lives is the shame. Many clients go to see a sexologist with wheelbarrow loads of shame about body image, behaviors and desires. Many sexologists still have these feelings too! There are endless experiences to be had with your lover, and there is a need to overcome the shame. Communicate The best approach has been to start with, “Hey Lover, I’m feeling shame about this certain need, would it be OK if I tell you about it?” Usually, they say “sure” and you can share that you’re really turned on by being ‘dominated’ for example. By naming the desire it often loses its sting. Your partner might say “Hmm I’m not into that but how about we both switch and see how it goes?” Or “Wow! Yeah, that’s my thing too, let’s get it on.” Either way, it opens an honest conversation about how you can meet each other’s needs, and then shop for the adult toys required to make it happen. Safety is also a big issue There is a wonderful TED talk by Dr. Sue Johnson called ‘The New Frontier of Sex & Intimacy’. Dr. Johnson claims that the single most important element for people to enjoy and deepen into sex is safety. She lists research into human physiology that when we feel safe enough then we can fully open into the experience of sex. She mentions that this sex is not about exotic positions or spicy scenes with adult sex toys, but truly meeting another person naked and fully accepting their nakedness as well as yours. When we feel safe we relax and open up our bodies and all the good neurotransmitters like oxytocin and dopamine flow freely. That makes us feel wonderful and connect more intimately. Overall sex can be healthy, fun and pleasurable for everybody. It can make us feel good and bring us closer to our lovers. Annabel Star Author - For your ultimate pleasure Sexy Kitten
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