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There is almost nothing funny about the credit crunch. Many Londoners will be taking this year’s holidays in such spellbinding destinations as Watford, Kent and the Cotswolds rather than sunny Spain or the Amalfi Coast. Not a pleasant thought, but this article will help you see the lighter side of economic recession. It means that many former fat-cat city bankers have gone from splashing out cash on maids and domestic cleaning to becoming DIY house cleaners in less than a year. The really unlucky ones may have even become domestic cleaners themselves. Ha, ha, ha. This article brings you the best of the credit crunch, surveying unemployed city boys and girls who are now do their own house cleaning on the three places they always forget to clean. Sweet, sweet revenge I say. 1. The bottom of the wardrobe. Having no jobs, and thus, no cause for digging through the Savile Row suits and designer dresses lining their closets, unemployed city workers have notoriously dirty clothes wardrobes. Many report numerous skeletons in these closets getting in the way of their best cleaning efforts: the products of sub-prime lending and too many Dubai deals gone wrong. 2. The refrigerator. Having no money to buy food, the fridges of former city-workers are looking very empty these days. Our city boys and girls report not plucking up the guts to clean them out because the thought of it is “just too depressing.” The remaining contents of these refrigerators are generally condiments and ice-cold memories of an old favourite: “six-figure celery”. 3. Under the settee cushions. In the interest of giving the reader a break from all this dirtiness, we decided that number three should be the place hedge fund managers now on the dole always manage to clean. Actually, this is the cleanest place in any ex-bankers home. Settees have usually been searched nine, ten, eleven times, hoping to scrounge up enough five-penny pieces for the price of a pint. Many former city boys find that drinking helps them to relive their glory days in Canary Wharf. Unfortunately, with off-shore bank accounts, trouser pockets and sitting room furniture left utterly spotless, it seems our beloved bankers have cleaned themselves into the poorhouse without the cash for so much as a single G&T to soften the blow. So the credit crunch isn’t all bad. While you’re screaming down the motorway to Walton-on-Thames for your next family holiday, think of ex-bankers turned domestic cleaners starving to death on memories of old celery and you’ll be just fine.
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bankers, credit crunch, recession, cleaning tips, cleaning London, humour, celery, shame, guilt, domestic help, savile row suits, British holidays, maids,
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