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In an interview recently I was asked, “If you had just one piece of relationship advice what would it be?” Just one??? Heaven knows I’ve got more then one thing to say about relationships. I’m not even sure how I answered that question, but upon reflection I did come up with an answer that surprised me. My one piece of advice wasn’t all that sage. It is simply this - turn off the TV. That’s right. Turn off your TV. It’s also my one piece of advice for how to overcome depression, make friends, lose weight, get your house organized, and improve your children’s grades at school. When it comes to relationships the TV is a lot like junk food. It’s cheap, it tastes good, but it’s just not healthy. First of all, let’s face it, there is a lot of negativity on the TV and even when your selective about what you watch, it still filters through. Secondly, I don’t want to see relationships through the filter of television shows. I want to choose the messages that head into my brain consciously. When I’m watching TV that messaging is a lot harder to monitor. All of that said, the television creates a barrier that prevents communication. We all know that, but we tend to ignore it. If you want to really connect with someone at some point it’s going to require connecting through conversations in intervals that last longer then 4 minute commercial breaks. I have to admit I was unaware of how the television impacted my marriage until we quit watching it in the evenings. Most nights now my husband and I do yoga together, but every evening we go for a walk. Without a doubt I look forward to that quiet time with him more then any episode of CSI. I’ve learned a lot about what happens during his day I simply didn’t have time to hear about before. We’ve talked about some heavy subjects, some light subjects, and sometimes we walk silently. But no matter what we are together in the evening. I also notice the noise of the TV has an impact on our little one. When it’s on in the evenings, even though he rarely watches it, he always seems a little agitated and a little less cooperative. When it’s off he doesn’t have to work as hard to compete for our attention, so he’s simply more at ease. We all are. Trust me, the new season of Criminal Minds just started. Am I curious? You betcha! I love that show. But not as much as I love the sacred space we’ve created that doesn’t involve commercial breaks. I will watch them online sometime when the time is right I’m sure. It really comes down to priorities about where you want to spend your energy. For me, investing my energy in my relationship has the biggest pay off. Whether you decide to turn off the TV some of the time, all of the time, or never, at least take the time to be mindful about making that choice rather then defaulting to the remote control without a thought.
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marriage, relationships, happy relationships, advice, love, life, relationship coaching, law of attraction, lisa hayes, how to make it work, lisa haye,
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