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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain - The captioned words above of Mark Twain had long ago set me thinking as to whether I should take the road less travelled and become a voice for the thousands out there who are struggling with the stresses of life. I brushed away this thought, only to see it resurrected again during my journey as a caregiver to my wife, Doris Lau who had to struggle with schizophrenia and depression amongst other health ailments. Unlike the many girls that I dated, Doris was very down-to-earth. I found her to be sincere and caring. This was the woman that would change my life – dramatically. Undoubtedly, Good Friday has special significance to both my wife and I. Why? Because this is the most painful day of the year as we remember how Jesus suffered and was put to death for the sins of all of us. Despite being tortured and humiliated, Jesus who displayed enormous strength was able to show compassion and forgiveness. I guess that Jesus has “infected” me through His virtues of showing love and compassion, and that was how I was destined to take Doris as my beloved wife. By some strange coincidence, 12th April 1974 was the day that I first met my wife. And it happened to be on Good Friday. And though it is arduous and painful journey for me to manage my wife’s dreaded schizophrenia for 37 years as her sole caregiver, I often draw my strength and compassion from Jesus. He gives me the strength to endure suffering all year round. And each time that I suffer from burnout, Jesus is always there to carry me on His shoulders. His picture is in our home and He is very much alive in our hearts. Doris has been stricken with schizophrenia for more than 40 years, and just five years ago, she is also struggling with arthritis. Schizophrenia is the most distressing of all mental disorders. It is an illness that is often camouflaged and many people who are inexperienced in managing this illness may at first believe that the sufferer showing irritable, moody and suspicious behaviour has a bad personality or is ill behaved. In every part of our home, I have placed pictures of Jesus and Mother Mary so that they can watch over us every day. So that they can be our guiding light. Doris told me that “The Lord is the Head of the house, the silent listener to every conversation…..” Indeed, this is so true because very often when I encounter struggles, be it financial difficulties, securing support systems for my wife and facing huge adversities in our in our isolated and lonely lives, the Lord picks up our conversations, and the many issues that I struggle with are resolved- almost immediately. Doris’ advanced arthritis condition is so severe that it leaves her mobility severely impaired. She is also at high risks of falling down as her knees are very weak and wobbly. She has fallen down 4 times, sustaining abrasions on her hands, legs and back. Recently, on 27th December 2011, she collapsed in the kitchen. I broke down in tears as I saw her lying helplessly on the floor. She fell backwards and injured her head. I immediately took out the holy water which my priest gave me and rubbed it on her head, and the areas that were bruised. I prayed so hard to Jesus to protect her from any serious head injury or internal bleeding. It is amazing that all 4 falls did not see damaging effects to her life because I am sure the Lord saved her. During the course of marketing my books and giving talks on mental illness at various platforms and organisations, I have also encountered people who passed unkind and hurtful remarks. “Oh, it’s impossible to love a schizophrenic,” a young lady remarked as she browsed through my novel. “It is possible, Miss. The lady sitting next to me here, who is my wife, has battled schizophrenia for 30 years and she has “recovered” through the grace of God, and the love and emotional support that I have given her,” I shot back as my wife shook her head in disbelief at the young lady’s insensitive remark. My rebuttal sent the embarrassed lady packing off. But I could see that Doris was struggling not to cry. When we go through periods of darkness, we must have faith that the light of Jesus will shine through the darkness and conquer it. And He has lifted us up on numerous occasions and help us see light at the end of the dark tunnel. Raymond Anthony Fernando
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Has battled schizophrenia for 30 years and she has “recovered” through the grace of God, and the love and emotional support that I have given her.,
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