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Can an Adult Dating Relationship Work the Second Time Around? by Kristen Wilkins
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Can an Adult Dating Relationship Work the Second Time Around? |
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Dating
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If an adult dating relationship ends, it’s apparent that there were issues, and it’s quite hard to imagine things going more smoothly the second time. This rings especially true if it’s a bad breakup. Shouldn’t two people learn from the experience and just move on? According to experts, this is not necessary. Yes, there may have been problems, but a serious timeout can make the couple’s adult dating relationship stronger in the long run if those problems are addressed and resolved. With that being said, there are certain rules that can help increase your odds of success in the second round. It’s tough to slam on the breaks when you’re trying to make up for lost time, while enjoying the familiarity of being together. But whether you admit it or not, you’ve both changed, and you need to take time to get reacquainted. Relationship therapists say you should try to look at it as a brand new relationship. While you can’t wait to quickly move forward to cozy weekend mornings in bed, it is crucial to stop and take a moment to think about why you want to be back together just like you would do when you’re adult dating any guy. Try to be honest with yourself: If the idea of going to a party alone terrifies you, then you’re most likely just looking for a quick fix for your loneliness, and not your ex. Sooner or later, you’ll be having that conversation where you’ll be telling him, “We need to talk.” But if you can imagine yourself with him backpacking across South America next summer and him feeling the same way, you’re heart is probably in the right place. You broke up for a reason. And if you and your ex are planning on getting back together, you need to face the things that went wrong the first time if you want to move forward. And then let it all go, once and for all. Try working on the details of what you want to do differently the second time in such a way that isn’t the least bit threatening. Be positive in your statements and say things like “It would make me happy if…” with him doing the same, and then really put them in action. Pick your battles when it comes to your past issues or you’ll pick up where you left off. One favorable aspect of breaking up once is it probably made you stronger. After splitting up with someone, we learn how to live our own lives without them. This makes you gain a new perspective that makes you better this time around.
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