Songkran, what unbelievable fun, fun, fun as the whole city goes crazy as one and they ain't even 'on one', just walking down the street is like the Cannonball Run with the only requirement a big gun, then start traipsing round under that blistering sun and get inlvolved in the mother of all waterfights, not dusk til dawn but morning through to all night, what a brilliant sight and it's a war so no one's got any rights, anarchy and lawlessness burn bright and they truly rule these streets and you've simply got no choice but to try and get a hit, join in with the harmless lunacy and to walk one block feels more perilous than the journey of Ulysses and also as wet as his sail through the Seas, as the whole city becomes a battlefield, your fate's sealed as soon as you step out onto the street and taste the first of many defeats at the very first corner you meet which is always guarded by a local girly fleet and enough water to drown the stifling Asian heat, stored in big barrels and replenished all the time so they're always full and always surrounded and guarded by a gaggle of giggling girls armed with buckets, hoses, balloons and guns... |
... and more terrifying than Atila the Hun, they go to town and soak you as you take a refill, but then with a loaded gun you can now shoot at will, what a thrill, more euphoric than any damn pill, fight through the first crowd and then turn to inspect your 'kill', feeling mighty pleased with yourself until, you run right into an ambush five yards further down this action filled ride as you get assaulted from behind and then from all sides, and your mate if he lags behind coz you got no place to hide, and no place to run to in this inescapable zoo, as you try to work out who's who and who's attacking you, as you battle your way through hostile group after hostile group, and then you score some points with a direct hit, what a joy and release, but there's no time to enjoy feeling like you're the bees and knees coz the enemy's got more numbers than the world's trees and all the trees' leaves, at least that's how it feels coz it ain't just the pedestrians but also those on wheels, open-backed trucks filled with people doing drive-bys, whilst also being pelted by people on the back of tuk tuks and motorbikes...
... but don't worry about getting done coz you'll always get another bite at the cherry as you're legally allowed to get lary, and pick on anyone that catches your eye, especially those fools in suits and ties, anyone's fair game as it's open season, no need for reasons, the fact that they're there is reason enough, I tried to look mean and tough but they called my bluff and there's no point in getting the cream puff, just accept that you'll spend all day soaked to the bone but don't groan coz you're not alone, and if you're that precious you should've stayed at home, but me I chose to roam and once I bought a gun I lost the right to moan, and in this war I feel right at home as I look around and see I'm not alone, as grown ups lose their inhibitions and act like kids, forget your needs and follow local lead but take heed, and watch out for that white shit and try to avoid a direct hit as they smear your face with it, this white dust like baking powder, mixed with water turns to mulsh, right all over your face mush, and you just can't wipe it off, so you get angry and it's time for them to feel the wrath as you spray your gun and spray everybody and it's a blast, you're having a ball as you walk into another horizontal waterfall, dive into a bar for a little lull, then back out and get on a roll, Sukhumvit sh**s all over Koh San Road...then back to your abode, change of clothes and on your toes coz now it's nightime and anything goes...
John Owens Is a writer for Vacations rental homes and holiday homes and rental condos rented directly from the owner of the vacation rental home.
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