Several years ago, former "Good Morning America" co-host andGreenwich resident Joan Lunden was settling in to her second round of motherhood when she wasthrust, unprepared, into a third caregiving role. Lunden, now 61, who already had three young-adult daughters, wasraising two sets of infant twins with her second husband. Foryears, Lunden had been providing long-distance help to her motherand brother, who lived together in northern California, whereLunden grew up. Then Lunden's brother, who suffered from Type IIdiabetes, died, leaving Lunden to find the best living situationfor her then-88-year-old mother, who was showing signs of dementia.
Most people mark Mother's Day by showering their moms with cards,flowers and other gifts, but a growing number of adult children aregiving back by caring for their aging parents. "I don't think a lot of us give it a lot of thought," Lunden saidduring a recent phone interview. "We just don't talk about itbecause -- let's be serious -- we don't want to think about it." The biggest challenge for Lunden, who took many red-eye flights tovisit her mother, Gladyse, was navigating the world of seniorhousing. Lunden said at first she moved her mother into a beautifulsenior community that offered a private apartment where she couldinvite company, and a dining room downstairs where she couldsocialize with the other residents. It turned out to be the wrongfit for the woman Gladyse had become.
"I think we just imagine our parents as they were 10 years ago,"Lunden said. "When they haven't been living right by you, youhaven't been observing their day-to-day frailties. My mom wasn'tremembering people and she would go downstairs and people wouldsay, `Hi, Gladyse,' and she wouldn't remember their names." Gladyse had also started "sundowning," the late-day confusion andagitation often seen in people with Alzheimer's disease and otherforms of dementia, so it wasn't good for her to be living alone. "At 88, it doesn't matter how pretty it is, to have that door closebehind you is incredibly frightening," Lunden said. Lunden said she thought about how easy it would be if she couldmove her mother to Connecticut.
But Lunden says her mom is "a realCalifornia sunshine gal," with friends nearby who still come andvisit her. Lunden was also wary of disrupting her mother's life,and routine, even more. After a move to another facility, and a series of falls, Gladysewas in the hospital when a social worker there put Lunden in touchwith A Place For Mom, a free information service that helpsfamilies find the appropriate senior care and housing for theirloved ones. Gladyse now lives in a small ranch-style home with five otherpeople in their 90s, with staff that take care of them around theclock. An alarm goes off as soon as Gladyse puts her feet on thefloor after getting out of bed in the morning.
"It's not like one of the big, beautiful senior centers, but it'sperfect for my mom," Lunden said. Lunden now serves as a spokeswoman for A Place For Mom. She alsoco-authored "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Family Caregivers,"published in March, and hosted the RLTV series "Taking Care withJoan Lunden," a series that explores the challenges of caregiving. "I'm kind of the typical caregiver," Lunden said. Many women are having children later in life, and are jugglingraising young kids and careers while keeping an eye on parents withhealth problems, becoming part of the so-called SandwichGeneration.
Lunden's experience has given her insight into being along-distance caregiver, which comes with special challenges. Sherecommends forming a rapport with the people doing the daily workof paid caregiving. "One of the biggest pieces of advice I would give people is not tojust drop them off," Lunden said. "The more information they haveabout my mom, the more they can engage her in conversation." Lunden also learned how to talk to her mother in a different wayonce it was clear she had dementia. Instead of talking about herlife today, Lunden started making photo books, and sitting downwith her mom to look at all the old pictures.
Like Lunden, it may take a few tries before families find the rightfit. Holly Waters, an elder care adviser for A Place for Mom based inStamford, whose mother suffered from Alzheimer's, said there aremany options in this area, including apartment complexes,independent living communities, skilled nursing communities andhome health aid programs. Waters said she talks to family members to assess their loved one'smedical and supervisory requirements and social needs. There isalso the emotional aspect of the situation, but Waters said themore information she provides, the easier the situation becomes.
"That way, when they speak with their loved ones there's a lot moreunderstanding," Waters said. "It's really about choices and feelingconfident that they're safe and in the right place for them." Lunden has met many people in her situation, as well as others whodon't have the luxury of hiring a caregiver, and have to do thetough work themselves. "This is the next health crisis in this country," Lunden said. "Ifyou look at the sheer statistics right now in this population, theysay baby boomers will spend more time taking care of their parentsthan taking care of their own children." lisa.chamoff@scni.com; 203-625-4439; twitter.com/lchamoff. I am a professional writer from Hardware, which contains a great deal of information about antique cabinet latches , corner shower shelf, welcome to visit!
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