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Political Correctness in Professional Team Nicknames by Stephen Bye

Political Correctness in Professional Team Nicknames by
Article Posted: 12/23/2019
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Political Correctness in Professional Team Nicknames

Humor,Sports,Current Affairs
Political Correctness in Professional Sports Team Nicknames

With the groundswell of political correctness rising from multiple tribes and polarized camps involving gender equality, politics, age discrimination, religion, and other mainstream issues, there is growing pressure to change the nicknames of several professional sports teams.

Politics: Republicans vs. Democrats…Red vs. Blue. Several teams must change their colors or nicknames in order to avoid protests from opposite party voters. These include the St. Louis BLUES; Boston RED Sox, Washington REDskins; Detroit REDwings, Cincinnati REDS (doubly important due to affiliation with Russia) and the New York RED Bulls (Bulls must be stricken too-see below); Also, the climate change opponents and anti-environmentalist factions are protesting that the Green Bay Packers are affiliated with The Green Party, demanding the team name be changed to the Wisconsin Packers.

Gender Equality: There are several teams associated with masculine nicknames. Starting with the Milwaukee Bucks, women’s groups are demanding that the team should be called the Milwaukee Does or as a compromise, the Milwaukee Dear Deer. And what about the Chicago Bulls? Should the name be the HEIFERS or COWS? The name ‘Bull’ also refers to words such as ‘balderdash’, “baloney’, ‘hogwash’, ‘crap’, etc. and with the team’s record over the past few years, perhaps Chicago Baloneys would better fit. The LA RAMS have a few choices…they could alternate with the name LA EWES (As a bonus, when the team has a poor play, the fans can more politely chant “eweoooooo” instead of booing). Alternatively, the team can change the helmet design from a pair of horns to a computer to identify with the initials for “Random Access Memory”. Another strong possibility is to adopt an image of a “Battering Ram”, which certainly has a connection to football lingo. How about the LA Kings and the Sacramento Kings? A simple change would be to adopt the name “Royals” or alternate with “Queens” (on second thought, stick with Royals). The Dallas Cowboys must share equal time with ‘Dallas Cowgirls’. Lastly, the Indianapolis Colts need to alternate with ‘Indianapolis Fillies’.

More Complicated Issue: The Philadelphia Phillies. The “Urban Dictionary” defines Phillie as a slang term for a person who is Republican and is usually considered an insult because Republicans only care for the well-being of themselves and other rich people. Phillie is also a name for a girl, having its root in Greek, and the meaning of the name Phillie is "horse lover". Phillie is an alternate form of Philippa (Greek). Phillies could easily be confused with Fillies too. Therefore, maybe Philadelphia should revert to the original name…the Quakers, although the San Francisco NFL team may want to claim that (see below).

Age discrimination: The Philadelphia 76ers identify with senior citizens and therefore, discriminate against all other ages…the San Francisco 49ers have an issue too, ignoring anyone who isn’t 49 years old.

Religion: Atheists demand to get religion out of sports with too many teams oriented to Roman Catholic words like the San Diego Padres, the New Jersey Devils, the New Orleans Saints, and the Los Angeles Angels. The St. Louis Cardinals and St. Louis Blues will need to drop the St. Louis identity and switch to the Missouri Cardinals and Missouri Rivers, respectively.

Miscellaneous Non-Politically Correct Names: The anti-gun groups demand Miami shoot down the name ‘Heat’. The NHL Nashville team must destroy the nickname ‘Predator’ for obvious reasons. Teetotalers insist that Milwaukee drop the nickname ‘Brewers’ or in protest, will avoid drinking beer. There are also many folks around who detested the draft dodgers during the Vietnam War, so the Los Angeles Dodgers have a problem to resolve too.

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