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I once read an article by a behavioral psychologist who said that he could predict the likelihood of a couple staying together long-term just by watching them together for half an hour on a mall security camera. His assertion was that there is a physical intimacy between two people who share the kind of chemistry it takes to create staying power. He also asserted that this type of physical interaction is obvious to the onlooker. It's not really teenage pawing of each other, but it's not that far off either. He believed that couples who share that kind of chemistry will always be touching in some way, if they are not holding hands; they are just stroking each one another. There is a whole lot of nonverbal communication going on in that touching and the bond that is formed in that nonverbal communication is strong. This Doctor boldly stated that level of chemistry is more important to the long-term viability of a relationship then trust, communication, or even respect. Chemistry at its base level is about the bond between two people that encourages them to be sexual or reproduce. Mother Nature makes a powerful Cupid. In my experience, it's true. Case in point, my parents. Anyone who has been around my parents will readily admit it can be sickening. She sits on his lap. They are well known for PDA. They are always touching. As a teenager, this was horrifying to me. As an adult, it's still a little icky, but it's also endearing. The thing about parents that makes this quite notable is you are just as likely to see them necking in public as any high school freshman couple, and they are in their 80's. They have been married 62 years. There is a physical tenderness between them that is unmistakable to anyone in their vicinity. You can't help but pick up on the chemistry that binds them. So, if you are walking around the mall with your man and realize you haven't held his hand in public for a decade, are you completely doomed? Maybe. Maybe not. The good news is that chemistry can be faked, and the better news is, I believe you can fake it 'till you make it. This isn't about trying to heat things up with a trip to Victoria Secret. This is about generating energy in your relationship by touching on purpose. Start reaching for his hand. Start resting your head on his shoulder when you’re watching TV. Touch his arm as he passes by, or better yet, his butt. For goodness sake, make sure you kiss him often. Imagine that couple you know, who are like my parents, everyone knows one - and behave as much as possible like them. Now, it might feel awkward at first, but every time you touch, you are generating energy between you, and eventually that energy might just turn into chemistry. My husband and I don't touch as often as we used to. One of us is always packing a baby or pushing a stroller. I used to think it was the exhaustion that comes along with baby that has cooled the heat. However, I realize now it might be the stroller. I am painfully aware how much I miss his touch, but I wasn't aware how far reaching the consequences might be. I am much more conscious lately about making the effort to turn up the touch. I can't tell you whether or not that is turning up the flame quite yet, but I do know for sure, it's comforting and familiar. On a chemical level, it re-enforces my bond with him and I know it generates energy between us. So, give it a try. Let me know. I'm curious. If simple, innocent, honest touch is the aphrodisiac we've all been looking for, then we're all getting lucky!
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