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This week I would like to talk about a subject that has been front and center in my life for the last few days. The question is, what is love? Maybe more specifically the question is, how do I know if they love me?? The answer is often illusive or confusing. I had a moment of crystal clarity with my son this week - if you are a parent, you know what those moments are like. We were in the car, having a discussion, pulled over at the side of the road, and I'm pleading with him. "If you only learn one thing from me in your my lifetime, let it be this." If you are a parent, as you might imagine, I just got a roll of the eyes and a heavy sigh. So, my plea to you all is the same - if you get one thing I say - get this. Love is a verb. Love is an action, a behavior, a way of being. Love is not a feeling. To think love is only a feeling is a recipe for hurt and resentment. Love is simply not a tickle or an inkling. To tell someone you love them without being loving is dangerous and hurtful. Conversely, to hear those words from someone when you are experiencing careless, hurtful, or dismissive treatment from them, and expect to feel loved, is ludicrous. Sometimes we just long to hear those words. Sometimes we crave them like an addict craves a fix. However, when the words aren't backed up in reality with behavior, that fix is short lived and just leaves us clamoring for more, more, and yet more. This week my son heard those words from someone who he desperately wants love from. However, when the words are flanked with behavior that doesn't match up - DANGER WILL ROBINSON - DANGER!!! I also see this in couples. I recently sat with a friend and her husband who were jabbing and sparring with each other all night at dinner. Little insults in the name of joking were followed by subtle barbs over silly things. The resentment and anger oozed out of them and everyone at the table could feel it. These are two people who profess to love each other - but the behavior says otherwise. Bottom line, you can't be hurting someone on any level and loving them at the same time - period - end of story. Those two things are not congruent. They do not mix. My challenge to you for this week is the "One Hundred Ways" challenge. The challenge is look for one hundred ways everyday to be loving or express love. Do this for a month This may seem like a tall order, but I guarantee it's doable. This can include anyone you come in contact with ranging from your mate to your dry cleaner. I promise you that if you look for, find, and jump on the opportunity to be consciously loving one hundred times in your day you will start to shift your beingness to being much more loving. As you flex that muscle it is inevitable that all your relationships will improve. Just be warned, after thirty days of the challenge, the person you are most likely to love more, is you. I would love to hear back from you regarding your experiences with this challenge. Please email me at theomzone@gmail.com, with the words "love challenge" in the subject line.
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