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"Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and thinks loves you in return." Those are the words of California Senator Diane Feinstein. According to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention along with The National Institute of Justice roughly one in four women has been a victim of domestic violence. The physical is bad enough and as Senator Feinstein pointed out the fact that it is being perpetrated by someone claiming to love you makes it even more painful. But there is another source of hurt that in many instances takes longer to recover from than the physical violence or the reality of who did it. It's the fact that you have been made to feel as a human being that you have no self worth. One of the key components of abusive relationships is to constantly blame the victims for whatever befalls them. You would not have woken up in the emergency room of the local hospital if only you had gotten dinner ready on time or ran that errand when they told you to. When you make it back home the abusive partner hopes this serves as a lesson. Even if they never put their hands on you again (doubtful), the message is clear: they rule the kingdom and you are there to serve them. Not only that but it is their birthright to deal with you anyway they see fit. From then on you walk in constant fear and extreme self doubt. Once the abuser gets you into this position, it becomes all about control. Their power increases while your opinion of yourself accelerates downward. It only gets worse when you factor in that they know what buttons to push because they know so much about you. So when you finally end the relationship there is a lot of rebuilding that needs to be done. One place to start is to understand what you went thru and accept the reality that you are a survivor. That means you have an untold reservoir of inner strength. The other thing is that no matter how much they belittled you all they did was tell you a river so as to cover up their own glaring weaknesses. With all their "power" they tried to take away your dignity. They failed miserably. The courage you showed as well as the love you gave to them which they obviously didn't deserve illustrates perfectly that trying to take away your self worth was a fool's errand. One final and extremely important point to remember is that you are loved. Not in that twisted way your abuser said they loved you. It always came with a chain attached to it. They love you so that's why they did what they did. Or they would love you even more if only you would stop forcing them to hurt you. No this is the real deal love. The kind that your children have for you as well as your family and friends. It also includes that network of support from spouses who have gone thru the same thing. And the one person who above all others always loved and believed in you no matter what happened. You. Because in spite of it all, the unvarnished truth is the abusive partner could never live up to you so they did everything they could to drag you down to their level. It would have been easier for them to move the Rocky Mountains by hand. No one was ever going to take away wonderful you. Article written by Daryl Campbell at The Relationship Tip. Discover the nine step formula for surviving an abusive relationship .
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