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Effective problem solving, decision-making, or conflict resolution among individuals of varying opinions must necessarily involve each of the following three steps: 1. An exploration of the problem through the exchange of the varying viewpoints, and an active attempt at understanding the next just as well as one's own. 2. An earnest evaluation of the potential outcomes of each shared idea, along with the development of improvements and/or alternatives to those ideas. 3. A series of final efforts to sway other parties toward one idea or the other - or when possible, agree upon a fair and feasible compromise - after careful consideration. When in conflict, however, people in disagreement have a tendency to omit those first couple of steps, assuming that they know everything they need to know already regarding where the others stand (which is usually not the case). Common lapses that ruin any chance of productive discussion: Interrupting when others are speaking If you frustrate your associates or cause them to lose their place among their own thoughts, you will eliminate any reason they have to listen when it's time for your turn to chime in to speak your piece. Criticizing, passing judgment, spewing sarcasm, or resorting to name-calling These actions will only exacerbate the problems you're aiming to solve - offended parties will not be able to focus on a resolution, and you'll all only accomplish taking turns hurting one another's feelings until someone decides they've had enough. And letting this go too far or go on too long can cause irreparable damage - so insult at your own risk. Allowing your temper to flare Keep your temper in check in what you're really interested in is resolution. In actuality, the anger reflex itself lasts only about one second long. Whether or not to hold on to the reflex, or let it go, is entirely up to the reflex's host. Getting and staying angry, therefore, requires a bit of a commitment. Opt not to make that commitment. Research actually shows that people have twice the chance of effectively resolving an issue if they can keep themselves from becoming angry, as well as keep themselves from provoking another person's anger during the course of the discussion. Making extravagant use of extreme words like "always" and "never" Eliminate the words "always" and "never" from your vocabulary - they are extreme, rarely true, and an easy source of offense and disagreement. Those words do not bring a dialogue closer to solution or compromise, but only succeed in arousing defensiveness. Indulging in disputes at the end of the day By this time, people tend to be irritable and fairly exhausted to begin with - not ideal circumstances within which to engage in a potentially heated discussion.
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