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The Mirror Rearview; Special Report # 24 An on-going series from Stephen P. Bye, an independent journalist for the Mirror Rearview, a fictional newspaper in Utopia County, an imaginary USA municipality. Alice N. Wonderland is a candidate for President of the United States for the 2024 election. She has filed papers to appear on the ballot in all 50 states under the Bliss Party. Yesterday, Ms. Wonderland made the announcement in front of the Nirvana County Administration Building in front of 5,000 supporters in downtown Utopia. The County orchestra played “Alice’s Restaurant,” her election theme song, at least ten times, before her stage appearance. She opened her speech with the following words: “After I’m elected President, you can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant…I know most for you are starving for a change in the country’s direction and I’m planning to serve up a few new ideas on my menu. There’s been too many cooks in the kitchen in Washington for decades!” The crowd turned into a frenzy for three minutes. She held her hands up waiting for the energy to settle. Suddenly a large red banner dropped behind the podium emblazoned with the words “Make America a Wonderland Again”. Her election staff immediately tossed hats inscribed with ‘MAWA’ to the crowd, which began shouting MAWA…MAWA…MAWA for five minutes. Here are excerpts from Ms. Wonderland’s speech. “I’ve turned Laicos County into Nirvana and Laicos City into Utopia and I’ll do the same for the United States of America. Under my leadership, Nirvana County has unprecedented prosperity. Our unemployment rate is 1%, we have a budget surplus, and new business applications are overwhelming our staff. I transformed our public golf courses into parks for everyone to enjoy. Our public-school students are testing well above national averages for every age group. In addition to implementing a policy of diversity, inclusivity, and equality into the Utopia County work force, I signed an edict extending the order to every employer in the community. We’ve raised the Corporate Equality Index (CEI) results evidenced by latest report conducted by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and due to my policies for private industry, scores for Environmental, Social, and Corporate Governance, also known as ESG, are off the charts. Personal income for Utopia residents is up 37% from when I took office six years ago, while inflation is only 2%. My green energy policies are being copied by over thirty governors across this great country. I’ve defeated homelessness, placing the disadvantaged in luxury apartment projects and hotels, as well as scattering them in vacant single-family homes in wealthy sections of Utopia County. I conquered Covid-19 by placing dissident vaccine resisters in the Menticide Village barracks in Dystopia, isolating them from the obedient population. I established the Factual Information Bureau, also known as FIB, and mandated the agency to seek the truth for all stories contained in Nirvana County newspapers, radio, and television stations. I was given the powers to invoke punishment for airing irresponsible news reporting, resulting in the punishment of several groups for spreading conspiracies. I also sided with Ukraine when I shut down several businesses in Nirvana connected to Russian ownership and confiscated their assets. Finally, I made it a priority to declare Nirvana County as a sanctuary municipality and have welcomed thousands of immigrants to our wonderful community. I’m running as a candidate under the Bliss Party, which is dedicated to peace and prosperity for all. I promise enlightenment and joy…heaven on earth. My opponents have already predicted that I could never be successful on a national stage for leading a country, after only running a county. However, I’d like to point out that Mayor Pete ran a successful campaign in 2020 as a former mayor of a small city, ten times smaller than the population of Nirvana County. I’m a serious candidate, unlike Kamala Harris, who seems to giggle her way about everything she’s asked by the press. I hear Gavin Newsom is a potential candidate, but he’s gruesome…a Grim Reaper. I shouldn’t even mention “sleepy” Joe Biden, although his sleep state wants to reelect him so they can continue leading him by the nose…my answer is ‘Joe needs to go’. After my nomination, I’ll take on that egotistical grifter, Donald Trump…I’ll dump Trump too! Please contribute to my campaign by visiting my website…www.MAWA. Thank you, everyone… See you all at Alice’s Restaurant in Wonderland!” While Alice N. Wonderland addressed her supporters about her election bid, several hundred protesters were corralled by the Nirvana Police force and arrested for an illegal gathering and trespassing. I checked around and discovered that Ms. Wonderland now owned a restaurant building, the former Seymore’s Seafood, one of the Russian businesses which she confiscated in conjunction with Russia’s attack on Ukraine. The business sign on the front of the building reads, ‘Alice’s Restaurant’, now serving as her campaign headquarters. More updates on her campaign will follow. The Developer
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